All in all, a 100% successful trip!
But, sir, we lost Mr. Rimmer.
All in all, a 100% successful trip!
“Rimmerworld”
In this episode: Kryten (11), Arnold Rimmer (10), The Cat (8), Dave Lister (4)
There's got to be a way out. There hasn't been a prison built that could hold Derek Custer. Why don't we scrape away this mortar here, slide one of these bricks out, then using a rope weaved from strands of this hessian, rig up a kind of a pulley system so that when a guard comes in, using it as a trip wire, gets laid out, and we put Rimmer in the guard's uniform, he leads us out, we steal some swords, and fight our way back to the 'bug?
Or we could use the teleporter.
Or in a pinch, we could use the teleporter.
Kryten, kindly get to the point, before I jam your nose between your cheeks and make it the filling of a buttock sandwich.
In which case we can remove him from duty as per Space Corps Directive 196156.
196156? Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial? Hmm. I'm sorry, sir, that doesn't quite get to the nub of the matter for me.
I'm a competitive man, Kryten. Always have been. That's what makes me what I am.
We're all perfectly well aware of what you are, sir.
Rogue Simulants always carry large stocks of food supply in order to prolong the torment of their torture victims. In some cases, they've kept subjects alive for 40 years in a state of perpetual agony.
If we wanted to live in a state of perpetual agony, we'd let Lister play his guitar.
There's an old cat saying: "If you're gonna eat tuna, expect bones."
There's an old human saying: "If you're gonna talk garbage, expect pain."
[deciding on whether or not to go into an abandoned Rogue Simulant ship and get food] Kryten, what's for dinner?
Tonight, sir, asteroid lichen stew followed by dandelion sorbet.
We're going in.
[to Lister] Sir, are you really saying you would rather have a psychopathic mechanical killer rip off your skull and play your frontal lobes like a xylophone than have another bowl of my nourishing space nettle soup?
Buddy, I'd hand him the sticks and hold up the sheet music!
[to a Rogue Simulant] There's one thing you should know. Last time we met I was wearing a cute little black number with peach trim and gold spangles, and although it looks like I'm wearing the same outfit today, it is in fact an entirely different cute little black number, with completely different gold spangles!
That was an important speech, sir, and it needed to be made. Might I suggest, however, that the rest of this discourse is continued by those with brains larger than a grape?
My escape plan worked then?
What escape plan?
The valiant plan whereby I set off the disintegration of the ship's hull by bravely leaping into the escape pod, thereby creating a diversion, so you could...(pauses) Actually, how did you escape?
You know, there's an old cat saying. But you don't wanna hear it right now.
Please, sir, don't panic.
It's not panic, it's a full blown hysterical fit.
Grind those balls, sir. Grind them!
So let me get this straight. If we board that ship and get captured, we're finished. However, if we board that ship, don't get captured, but the superstructure disintegrates around us, we're finished. On the other hand, if we board that ship, don't get captured and the superstructure doesn't disintegrate around us, but we can't find any fuel, we are in fact finished?
That's about the shape of it, yeah.
After you with the balls, sir...
Either Mr. Rimmer had the incredibly good fortune to land on a populated planet.... Or.....
...Or what?.
It's too hideous to contemplate!
This might sound like a bit of a corny line, but... I can't bring myself to say it.
Say what?
Take us to your leader.
Sir, how could you?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red Dwarf pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.