So, what's this business idea of yours?
PhilAll right. What's the one thing that pickford is bustling with?
Phil
Tomatoes, and...Dogs! Huh? Little ones, big ones, skinny ones, fat ones.
Hairy ones, bald ones, small ones, tall ones. Sorry. I thought we were playing a word game.
Phil
And what's the one thing that all dogs have in common?
(Gasps) They...You know. Ugh.
Phil
Exactly! At least once a day! And all owners hate to scoop. That's where we come in. We do the job that no one wants to do.
Okay, but can't we offer more service than that?
Phil
More service?
Phil! I can't just go to a dog's house and not play with them.
Phil
Fine. We are a full-service doggy day care. See, the way i figure it, we can have those festapalooza tickets in a couple of days.
Hey, Guys. I just got my ticket. Oh, are you guys still coming to the concert?
Phil
Absolutely. Hey, we just started a doggy scooping business. What to join?
It's not just poop! We're full service!
Phil
Hey, her loss, right? We're gonna have fun. We'll be our own bosses. We'll be out in the fresh...Almost fresh air! Which reminds me, I actually got Curtis to do some of the dirty work. Hey, C-Man! (Chuckles)
Phil
I think it just may be his calling.
Phil
This is Mad Max's house. His owner said he'd be locked inside.
Why do you think they call him Mad Max?
Phil
'Cause he sells electronics at rock-bottom prices. "Beware Of The Dog." "It's A Big, Mean Dog. Chomp, Chomp."
"I'd Turn Back If I Were You." Good idea.
Phil
No! No, you don't.
Phil
Hi, Max. You're sure you're not a bear?
Phil, I think he's mad at us.
Phil
Hmm. You think? Let me find out. Uh, see, there's a function on my wizard. It interprets animal sounds. What'cha thinking, Max? Huh? You're all bark, right, pal?
(Male Voice) Another move and i'll rip your appendix out and use it as a chew toy. (Growling)
Mad Max, we're sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you.
Phil
But the thing is, if you back up a few feet. We'll be on our way. All right? have a nice day. We'll see you later. Bye-bye.
(Male Voice) Yeah, right. Have a nice day. I got a tick the size of a cockapoo. My master, he went off to college.
Yeah, he was my best friend. Now i just feel like biting something.
Phil
Uh, well, i'll tell you, Max. We'll be your friends, huh?
Hmm. Why would you want to be my friend?
Because you seem like a fun guy. Not fun in a laugh-out-loud kind of way, but more of a pleasant grumpiness.
Phil
Sure. So it's settled, huh? We'll come by and see you tomorrow. Let us down without...Eating us. Thanks.
See you tomorrow, Maximilian!
(Male Voice) Wow! No one ever calls me Maximilian anymore.
Phil
Well, we do, 'cause we're your friends. Let's get out of here.
Yo, aren't you forgetting something? Hey, I left you a little present. I'm sorry. I didn't have time to wrap it. (Chuckles)
Phil
You want to get this one? 'Cause my hands are full.
Phil
(Stutters) How did you get in here?
Phil
Oh, right. I'm sorry.
(Whimpering) (Male Voice) I let myself in. Oh, Phil, I gotta talk to you.
Phil
All right, but make it quick, all right? I'm headed off to festapalooza.
So i found out this morning that Jimmy's not coming home from college this weekend.
Phil
Jimmy...Oh, right, your master. Oh, gee, that's too bad. I am sorry about that, Man.
I tell you, I am so bummed. I've been drinking toilet water all day.
Phil
Oh, Max, i've tried that, and it's not the answer.
Phil
Hey, would a head scratch help?
It wouldn't hurt. Oh, yeah, that's good. Now the ears. Now the neck.
Aw, the chest. That's right. That's the stuff. I remember when i was a puppy and my master picked me up from that pet adoption place. Back then, you could pick me up. (Laughs) That was the happiest day of my life.
Phil
Uh, that's fascinating max, but...I'm gonna be late, and my hand's really starting to cramp up, so...
But it's trash day. I thought we could go for a talk and sniff.
Phil
Any other day i could, but...I gotta go.
Phil
Here's one of my dad's dirty socks. Knock yourself out.
I got my travel wipes, and 2 quarters duct-taped to my calves in case my cell phone doesn't work.
Phil
What about that giant foam finger of yours?
(Gasps) Chunks and scraps! I forgot it!
Phil, is there a frog following us?
Phil
He's probably trying to follow us to the concert.
FFrog
(Croaks) (Croaking)
Phil
Okay, but i'm not sure it'll work on amphibians.
FFrog
I've been looking all over for you, Guys. Mad Max is straight buggin'!
Really? What's wrong with him?
FFrog
I don't know. He busted out of his crib. Said nobody cares. Talkin' about makin' a fresh start somewhere.
Phil
But he just came by to see me. I thought he was going home.
Wait, Phil, you knew he was upset, and you just left him?
Phil
No! No, I mean...I gave him a sock.
He could get lost! He could get hurt!
FFrog
Yo, he could get jacked.
Yeah, he could get jacked!
Phil
All right, Keely, we'll go to the concert. Then, after we get back, if he's still gone, we'll go and look for him.
(Sighs) Do what you want. I'm outta here.
Phil
Wait, no...Keely! But he's just a dog!
Yoo-hoo! Yeah, the concert's this way. If she's going home to change outfits...I don't blame her.
Phil
No, she's all upset about this dog Max. I--I don't know what she's so freaked out about.
That's Keely. I've known her since the first grade. Yeah, she probably thinks she's doing the right thing.
Phil
The--The right thing?
(Sighs) See, Phil, there are 2 types of people in this world--people like Keely, who are always thinking about other people. Then there are people like us, who i call...Happy people.
Phil
So you can't...Do the right thing and be happy?
Well, all i know is my way works. Hey, now, you probably won't be able to get backstage. So i'll see you back at school on...Monday. At least let me sell your tickets! (Scoffs) Unhappy person.
Phil
Oh! Oh! Oh, what?
Phil, what are you doing here? I thought i heard max.
Phil
Oh, yeah, that was just me. I was calling him in his own language. Max, come on, Boy. It's me--Phil. Come here.
(Sighs) So why aren't you at the concert?
Phil
This is more important. I made a commitment to a friend.
Heh. Don't do this for me.
Phil
I'm not.
Phil
I'm doing it for Max.
Good. Now, where does a dog go when he wants to make a fresh start?
Phil
Huh...
Phil
No, wait. Max did say something back at the house. What...That was it!
Oh, my gosh--Max's bandana!
Phil
There's Max.
Phil
Hey, Buddy, you want to come talk to us over here?
What are you doin' here? Oh, you want a puppy, too?
No, Max, we're here to take you back home.
Heh, right. No one wants a cranky old gas bag like me.
Phil
Hey, that's not true. I know i said i'd be your friend, and i wasn't acting like it, so i'm sorry. But i promise to visit you every day and scratch you till my fingers fall off.
Max, Phil missed the concert to look for you.
Really? You missed festapalooza for me?
Phil
Yeah. No biggie.
You idiot. There's gonna be about 50 bands there. Just kidding. I appreciate it.
Come on. Let's get out of here. Come on!
So you missed the concert, eh? well, I got a pretty good voice.
Phil
Oh, yeah?
(Singing) If you're happy and you know it wag your tail. If you're happy and you know it wag your tail. Take it away, Phil.
Phil
I don't think so. No.
Phil
Uh... Hello.
2Y25-year-old Keely
Hello, Philip Diffy. Is that orange juice for me?
Phil
Uh, no, it's for a friend of mine but...
2Y25-year-old Keely
Ah, you mean that little cutie Keely Teslow, the one who is smart, and funny, and one day, gonna look just like this!
Phil
No way! Keely, you look incredible and I can't believe you took the New-Ager.
2Y25-year-old Keely
Phil, I'm sorry. I just want to see what I'd look like. But, here! I got it right here. You can zap me back to 14 right now. Can you believe it?
Phil, you're obviously upset. You always crack nuts when you're upset.
Phil
Keel, just give me another walnut. I'm not upset.
(Keely passes Phil a nut)
Phil
(yelling) That's not a walnut, that's a Brazil nut. Come on, Keely. Get your head in the game!
Phil
(as Pim) Keely, there's something I have to tell you about Phil.
Forget it. I will never forgive Phil.
Phil
(as Pim) I'm Phil.
(sarcastically) Oh, sure! Nice skirt, "Phil"!
Phil
(as Pim) When you were 10, you accidentally let your pet hamster lose, but you told your mom the Hamster Liberation Front broke in and set it free.
I can't believe Phil told you that!
Phil
(as Pim) You told me that. I'm Phil.
Phil
(as Pim) Candida and the Fashion Zombies are planning to torture Pim at lunch. I have to stop them.
After all the horrible stuff she's done to you, why would you help her?
Phil
(as Pim) Pim can be a little mean, some would say "evil", but after switching places with her, I realize how tough she has it.
So, what are you gonna do?
Phil
(as Pim) Well, I have a plan, but I need help. How fast can you spread the word?
(pulls out her cell phone) Speed of light!
Phil
(as Pim) Well, that's a little slow, but it will do.
You got it, Phil. Phil, this is the girl's room! Get the heck out of here!
Phil of the Future · 136 quotes
