Mr. Hackett quotes from Phil of the Future

Mr. Hackett

(after Pim's hair frizzes out) No smoking!

Mr. Hackett

I told you students a thousand times, no amusing gizmology in school. This is mine now.

Pim

Berwick! Let me guess what's going on here. Hot coffee, sports section, standing outside Mr. Hackett's office...You're either a: Loopy, B: The world's biggest, kiss-up, or C: A combo platter.

Debbie

Pim, I do this for all my teachers. In fact, would you like to run up a pastry to Miss Soletti's office?

Pim

Uh, no.

Mr. Hackett

I know it's expensive, but i have to have the operation.

Debbie

Eavesdropping is wrong for 7 reasons, and i'll explain why. First--

Pim

(Hushed Voice) Debbie, shush!

Mr. Hackett

Well, if i don't have the operation, my life will be worthless. Just a big zilch-o.

Debbie

Oh, my gosh! Pim, Mr. Hackett is sick and needs an operation. You know what this calls for? A fund-raiser!

Pim

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Every time someone needs help, you're all "I'll help you," and i'm all "Get over it," and you're all, "To the fund-raising mobile!"

Debbie

Okay, Pim. That's okay. Fund-raising isn't for everybody.

Pim

What is she saying? That i can't fund-raise? Well, it's on, Berwick!

Debbie

What's on?

Pim

Stop that.

Mr. Hackett

The only procedure i can afford is the 106. Yeah, that's not a hair replacement system. That's a toilet seat cover parted down the middle. No, no, no...I want it. Yeah, okay. Uh, I will still attract big norwegian women, like the guy on the cover, right? Oh, Maurice, you hound dog!

Debbie

Mr. Hackett, i'm going to say this quick, otherwise i'm going to start crying.

Pim

Here we go with the tears.

Debbie

(Quietly) Thank you. We want you to have this money. It's $110.

Pim

My jar is $115.

Mr. Hackett

So...This is wonderful. Thank you. Why on earth would you be doing this?

Pim

Cut the hero act. We know about the operation.

Mr. Hackett

You do?

Debbie

Yes. And we want you to be brave and know that we support you.

Mr. Hackett

I can see that.

Debbie

Are you scared?

Mr. Hackett

A little. Thank you. I love public service.

Mr. Hackett

I'm telling you, Maurice. I am loved here. The students are standing in line to hand me jars of money. Which is, of course, what allowed me to upgrade to the 211.

Debbie

Excuse us, Mr. Hackett, but we wanted to wish you good luck on--what is growing out of your head?

Pim

Wait a minute. That's your operation? I busted my hump so you could get a wig?!

Mr. Hackett

It's not a wig. It's the lorenzo lamas.

Debbie

Uh, no disrespect, Mr. Hackett, but i'm going to have to give my money to a needier charity.

Pim

Yeah, ditto. I'm giving mine to the Pim Diffy needs a high-definition TV foundation. You disgust me.

Mr. Hackett

Hey, wait a minute. How am i supposed to pay for this? I mean, Maurice, I can pay for this. Just, you know, maybe not all at once. What are you doing? Don't get quiet on me, Maurice. Don't leave! Maurice? I'm only 1/2 a lamas.

Keely

I'm a good guesser.

Mr. Hackett

That was no guess. The last student who guessed said, "corduroy."

Mr. Hackett

He's beautiful! Can I keep him?

Phil

He's...yours.

Mr. Hackett

Yippee!! Ya know, two is such a couple, but three would be like my own little party!

Yippee!!