Russell quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

I imagine when Kenzie started singing then, the ears of the other members of the Squad just pricked up. Like funky meercats..."Kenzie's in trouble, put that mouse down!"

This is the same Wet Wet Wet as "Love Is All Around" Wet Wet Wet?

Phill

Yeah. Seventeen weeks at number one, a third of the year.

Well, fucking hell! (Audience laughter)

Phill

Ah, the wisdom of youth(!)

Simon

(to Kenzie) How young are you?

I've just turned twenty.

Simon

Okay. Kenzie is sweet, isn't he? Isn't Kenzie sweet? (Some audience members say "yes") Why don't you tell the nice BBC viewers what your song "Flip Reverse It" was all about?

Um...women...

Women?! It was about anal in a truck! (Audience laughter) Offended by seventeen weeks! But the idea of bumming a lady in a Mazda? Fine.

When did you meet Meatloaf?

We were doing Party in the Park in 2002 with the Squad and he, um...walked past us.

Simon

Wow. I would have saved that story for Parky, personally.

Simon

When I was younger, we didn't have to have drugs..

You had Ferrero Rocher didn't you?

[In a posh voice] Hey lads, take your snuff, let's stay up till nine. You should ride to the studio on a swan next week.

Simon

I bloody would if the asylum seekers hadn't eaten them all.

That was lovely. That was like two really jolly farmers singing at me ... Like you've just grown some excellent marrows and you're like, [He puts on a Cornish accent] "Let's turn up 'round Howard's house and sing him a little ditty...". [He pretends to open a door] You all right, lads?

Hello there!

[Holding pretend vegetables] Look at the size of them buggers!

Doing that and writing "boobless" on your calculator...great days

Yeah, saving your scabs in a little matchbox...ah, posting them to your pen pal...

Ha! Pasting them to your pen pal..."Dear, dear Gunther...I thought you'd enjoy these!"

"Ici, mon scabs!"

[Putting on a drawling accent] "Dear Bill, thank you for your scabs...next time a pube or two...Yours, Renoir...mmmmmmmmmmmm."

"Chèr Renoir, I am terminating this correspondence...it's gone a bit weird."

Russell once went for a jog with Dustin Hoffman around Central Park in New York.

Yeah, when I lived up in Upper West Side, he lived in this building called the San Reno, which is kinda rock-and-roll. I came out, and he was coming out of the San Reno building, and I kinda went over and I just said "Hey I saw the show last night". He said "What show's that?" I said "The History Boys", he said "Oh yeah, you had a funny line in it, you were the funniest guy in it", I said "Thank you very much!" And then we kind of went, like, running for a bit...

Hang on a minute, how did that happen?

He was in jogging attire, heading to Central Park...

Did you run after him? You were stalking him, and he went "oh, erm, look..."

Yeah, just hung outside!

Phill

Did you dress up as a dentist and just follow him, going "is it safe? Is it safe?" (makes a noise like a dentists drill)