So what connects the two?
What connects the two? What doesn't? Prosperous, black, rappers, drugs, firearms...
You're quite right, there are a lot of things that connects them. Really, the game should be called "What is written on my piece of paper?"
S2020x03
I've been listening to your album, it's very impressive.
Good, thank you.
All tracks written by Preston...except 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8-
I wrote them with my guitarist!
Sure, sure you did...9, 10, 11, 13 and 15! Sorry, I like it though.
We're gonna have fun tonight, Preston!
Oh, really? Let me know when it starts.
Ed If I can't sleep at night, phone me up and tell me that story!
I will phone you...on my Mowbli.
[Ed is a spokesman for Carphone Warehouse, which uses Mowbli as a mascot]
I feel reluctant to say anything about Britney because this show doesn't go out for a couple of weeks and her story in the tabloids changes so often...maybe we should cover ourselves. I can't believe that picture of her with that cake up her bottom!
BBill
Blimey, maybe we should do something about Britney and that rare...bird...egg...
Unbelievably, she's the new voice of Carphone Warehouse! She's got her life back together and is now recording a new album?! Just in case...
So, Fyfe, your band is famous for using odd inst-...I say famous...are known...
[Speaking about Fyfe's band mate]
I read in your bumph that she found the perfect bass note to give a lady an orgasm.
FFyfe
Well, she says...but she won't tell us what it is! Which is selfish, I think. I think it's an F sharp, though! [Laughs hysterically]
I never thought I'd be on T.V trying to give Madge an orgasm.
[Ed correctly guesses the song in the Intros round]
Correct!!...Am I allowed to say that?
I suppose you just did! Let's hear how it should have sounded. [Plays the song] In the future, I would like to break the news...
[Quoting from Chantelle Houghton's book]
"The Paris Hilton work was a low point for me. It wasn't what I wanted to be doing, and on top of that it caused me some real problems with my hair". [Puts book down. Audience laughs, but Preston looks angry] What? It's a good... Haven't you read it? I don't want to spoil the ending for you! [Audience laughs and applauds. Simon opens the book again] "The photo shoot was for the Daily Mail, which made me feel really posh and upmarket..."
[Getting up] Oh, you've done it now. See you later, I'm off. Sorry.
Oh no, Preston come on
PPreson
No, seriously, I'm going home.
Preston, we're having fun!
I ain't.
[He storms off stage]
Come on, Preston! Oh no, we can't lose Preston...
BBill
I guess he thought he's been voted out!
I mean, I only read his girlfriend's book.
[An audience member yells out "It's his wife!"]
I only read his wife's book...
BBill
What's wrong with that?
I can't believe that upset him...I mean...I don't know if he's read it. I've read the whole thing, it upset me.
[After getting an audience member to replace Preston]
What is your name?
Ed.
Hello, Preston.
What do you do in your real life?
Um, a well driller.
A well driller.
Drill bore holes.
EEd
Water wells or oil wells?
Neither.
EEd
Ah! What other kind of wells are there? Is it a lemonade well?
Fyfe, Fyfe, do you find it difficult to perform without office equipment?
FFyfe
Yes.
Do you want a hole punch?
FFyfe
Yes.
[He begins squeezing it]
Hang on, sorry I didn't think that through...sorry, a silent hole punch. How about a desk tidy?
FFyfe
Nah, nah.
PostIt notes?
FFyfe
Right... [He storms off the set]
Oh, no.
[Laughter. Fyfe comes back]
Lucky I didn't get to the lever arch file!
[After failing to guess a song]
Anne, what about this one?
[He plays the Neighbours theme song]
AAnne
Right, that's it!
[She moves to stand up]
No, no, no, no!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.