[Commander Faith Coleman is furious to find out that Yost is not in the NCIS building. Unknown to her, Gibbs had Tony secretly take Yost home.]
Please don't insult me by telling me he escaped.
The older they are, the sneakier they are!
KateYost complained of a weak bladder. He had to use the restroom every ten minutes. We gave up escorting him and one time he just didn't come back.
Found a window open. He must've shimmied down that drain pipe.
[sarcastically] Ah, I'd liked to have seen that.
We think the weak bladder was a trick to get us to let down our guard.
Kate
We're sick about it, Commander.
Yes I can see that you all look absolutely devastated.
I put out an APB. Airports, train stations, taxi cabs...walker rentals...
You know, I was thinking about becoming a doctor.
Kate
Really? You, a doctor?
Anthony DiNozzo, comma, M.D.
Kate
[laughs] Let me guess, a gynecologist?
Oooh... no. I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours, big bucks, never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit.
I had a terrible case of acne as a kid.
Of course you did, Probie.
[referring to an online fantasy site] I did a little trial and error with Laura Rowan's screen name, HomeAlone325, and Jeremy Davison's, NiceGuy653. Care to guess which fetish they have in common, Kate?
Kate
No, no. I'm going to hell just listening to all of this.
[The team arrive at the crime scene.
Break out the gear. I'll coordinate with the MPs. [hands coffee to Tony] You drink that, DiNozzo, you're dead.
[...]
[hands Gibbs' coffee to an oblivious McGee] Coffee, Probie. Looks like you could use it.
Don't mention it. [smiles as he walks away]
[to Kate] I think he's finally starting to warm up to me.
[Kate looks away and smiles]
[...]
[McGee enters crime scene sipping the coffee just as Gibbs is walking out]
Enjoying that coffee, McGee?
[Kate and Tony smile at each other. Gibbs glares at McGee and walks away. McGee spots Kate and Tony laughing quietly to each other and realizes he has been pranked.]
[embarrassed] It's your coffee. I'm sorry Boss. I'll get you another one. [turns to Kate and Tony] Thanks.
Kate
Yeah, maybe next time you should remember Rule 23.
Is that the one about not marrying a woman who eats more than you do?
MSMP Sgt. Hegarty
Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live, Agent DiNozzo.
[Kate pats McGee's back as he walks out the door]
Every road with access into Quantico is blocked by armed gate guards. There's Marines everywhere. Why would a rapist choose a victim here?
SHSgt. Hegarty
Maybe he's got a death wish, Agent McGee.
There's easier ways to die.
Kate
My first round's going through your right eye-socket, Lady!
Kate
(disgusted) DiNozzo? (walks over to him)
One sec! I'm looking into the suspects state of mind!
Kate
(snatches the emails out of his hand) I've read them! And they're all pretty much the same!
(shocked) Well...I've only read two and if you think there all the same then we definitely need to have a talk!
Kate
(smirks) Yeah, well...twelve years at Catholic school says that ain't ever gonna happen! (stalks off)
(gapes) Do you still have the pleated skirt? (follows her)
(Tony's Cell Phone Is Ringing)
Kate
Are you going to answer that?
Kate
Well, do they have money there? Because you owe me... forty three dollars and eighty six cents for lunch this week.
I will gladly pay you today if you'll answer this call for me.
Kate
Yeah? Who is it?
Crazy ex-girlfriend. Haven't seen her since college.
Kate
Stalker?
Kate
What do you want me to say to her?
I don't know. Tell her you're my wife or something. She's been calling nonstop for two days. So I'm begging you here, Kate. Please.
Kate
You pay me back today.
Kate
(Into Phone) Hello? Me? Oh, I am Tony's wife. Uh, yes. We got married a few years ago. (Whispers To Tony) We have kids? (Into Phone) Two. Yes. And we're very, very happy. So please don't call back again. (To Tony) I feel like I need a shower. (Hangs Up Phone)
He bet me forty dollars he could get you to say you're his wife today.
Kate
Tony, I'm going to kill you.
Kate
Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
[grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
At least I don't hang out with married people.
Kate
[to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Kate
Abby?!
What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
Kate
[upset] What is wrong with you people?
[steps in] Good question, Kate.
NCIS · 1,787 quotes
