Kate Todd quotes from NCIS

Abby

[reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."

McGee

Kill?

Kate

Murder?

Tony

Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!

Gibbs

I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!

Tony

I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. [The dog growls and tries to bite him.]

Kate

Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.

Gibbs

It's a bitch, Kate.

Kate

I know.

Tony

I knew this girl once. She squeaked. She made this little squeaking...

Kate

Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?

Gibbs

He's heard it. We all have.

Tony

(To Witness) Look, there is always something you remember about every woman, something you'll remember in twenty years time... something small and subtle... a piece of jewelry, a laugh... a smell.

Kate

Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein Ad.

Ducky

(To Kate and Tony) We need to look a little deeper. There is clearly a latent sibling rivalry here, being expressed by your adolescent and sexually-charged bickering. It all stems from a desperate desire to please a father figure, and I think we all know who that is!

Kate

What has this got to do with my tuna fish sandwich?

Kate

We need a mediator Ducky or I'm going to have to go to Employee Relations.

Tony

Which would be tattling!

Kate

No, Employee Relations is not tattling!

Tony

It's the adult version of I'm telling mummy.

Kate

You're so juvenile!

Tony

Am not.

Kate

Are so!

Tony

Am not!

Kate

We need an unofficial mediator Ducky.

Ducky

Well, did you try Gibbs?

Kate

Ugh...

Ducky

Good point.

Kate

We thought of McGee.

Tony

But, we have no respect for him.

Kate

And then we thought of you!

Ducky

I see, third on the short list. Well, at least I beat out Abby.

Tony

Well, we just came from there.

Kate

She turned us down.

Ducky

Oh.

Tony

I didn't think you would notice!

Kate

Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!

Tony

It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.

Kate

It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!

Tony

See you just said it was sharing!

Ducky

Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.

Tony

That was before Kate got here.

Gibbs

DiNozzo!

Kate

I'll wake him up.

Gibbs

No. I got a better idea. (Speeds up then slams on the brakes. Tony is now awake)

Kate

Bad dream, DiNozzo?!

Tony

I... wha... uh... wha...

Tony

A dead transsexual sailor, his spook instructor and a pair of human eyes walk into a bar, what's the punchline Kate?

Kate

Whatever it is, it involves this girl and Paraguay.

Tony

That's true, but not very funny. Probie! Make me laugh!

McGee

Okay, the bartender doesn't believe it so he asks the spook instructor 'what the hell is going on?' And the guy says 'what, guy can't have a drink with his pupils?'

Kate

Gibbs will get over it

McGee

When?

Kate

Well, let's see. Last year Tony spilled his coffee and he warmed up to him... oh, about an hour ago. So, roughly eight to ten months.

Kate

Look all I am trying to say is that it is very unprofessional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he paid for his shirt.

Tony

That's because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistent since the late 70's.

Gibbs

[entering] We have a body in Virginia. McGee?

McGee

Yeah.

Gibbs

Call Ducky.

McGee

Got it.

Tony

Hey, uh, boss? Have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you?

Gibbs

No, I haven't, DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.

Kate

Give him 5 seconds.

McGee

Until what?

Kate

Until he notices there's a ...

Tony

Bikini contest?!

Gibbs

She knew she was pregnant. Any idea about the father?

Tony

She used a pay phone to call him, but his cell was turned off. She said she left a message.

Kate

[laughing to herself] That's your worst nightmare, Tony.

Tony

[taunting] So, how's it going with those letters, Kate?

Kate

I'm working on it. Thanks, Tony.

Gibbs

How long?

Kate

Two days, three tops.

Gibbs

You've got four.

Kate

[surprised] Really?

Gibbs

Hours.

Kate

[deadpan] Sounds about right.

Kate

Where did you get this?!

Tony

Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.

Kate

Oh, my God...

Tony

Yeah, I was going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name!

Kate

You wouldn't dare!

Tony

Oh?

Gibbs

Make sure he didn't do any of that virus goat rope crap to my thing [gesturing to his computer after Fornell has been using it]

McGee

Goat rope?

Tony

Marine term, Probie.

Kate

It means half way between FUBAR and SNAFU.

McGee

Okay, uh, what's FUBAR?

You are!