Jimmy Palmer quotes from NCIS

Jimmy Palmer

I always say, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

Palmer

[as he's leaving the scene, and the team is coming in] I'd take an umbrella if you go in there.

Ducky

Can I trouble you for the left ear, Mr. Palmer?

Jimmy

Uh (holds the ear to his left ear to make sure it's the same one) One left ear coming up!

Ducky

Huh.

Jimmy

What?

Ducky

That's odd!

Jimmy

What? It's not the left ear!

Ducky

It's the left just not the right left...so to speak!

Jimmy

But that would mean...

Ducky

Three bodies! (Jimmy sighs in annoyance and pushes the drawer shut) Time to start another table!

Abby

Hey Ducky! My computer died! We need somewhere cooler to set up shop!

Ducky

(looking at the meat puzzle on the tables) Well we're a little short on space for the moment Abigail but you can use 107! (opens the drawer to find a cadaver still in there) Definately not 107! His relatives were supposed to arrange for him to be taken back last week! Uh...Will this do?

Abby

Perfect!

Jimmy

Oh can I give you a hand?

McGee

(sees the blood) Uh, no.

Jimmy

Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to bury our pets under our porch till my mom found out. She was pretty upset.

Ducky

They didn't want you to bury your pets?

Palmer

No. We lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.

Palmer

[to a dead body] I'm going to have to lock you up for the night, Commander.

Abby

[in a deep voice] NO! Don't put me back in the dark!

Palmer

Abby! You made me almost...

Abby

[smiling] I made you almost what...? [in a deep voice] Jimmy?

Palmer

Uh, Doctor?

Ducky

Yes?

Palmer

Does it help you to talk to [the dead bodies]?

Ducky

They're still human. What we do is very invasive and impersonal. It helps me establish a relationship.

Gibbs

The homicide detective, that completes the team.

Ducky

You're forgetting the medical examiner.

Jimmy

Oh, that's you!

Ducky

Indiscriminate predators, coyotes. Fish, cats, garbage, they'll eat anything they can chew. Unlike my mother who can no longer chew anything. I assure you, Mr Palmer, it is a beastly sight.

Palmer

Yes is it, doctor.

Ducky

[looks at Palmer] I was speaking of my mother.

Palmer

[looks up at Ducky] Right.

Abby

We'll figure it out together, Jimmy.

Jimmy

Oh please, call me Jimmy

Abby

I just did.

Jimmy

Something wrong, doctor?

Ducky

Her head is in the toilet, Mr. Palmer.

Jimmy

Oh, right.

Gibbs

You find my hacker yet?

Tony

McGee's upstairs working on it.

Gibbs

I didn't ask McGee. I asked my Senior Field Agent. I want that damn hacker! [walks out the room]

Tony

Did you hear that, Palmer?

Palmer

He sounded pretty upset.

Tony

No. [smiles] He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally.

Ducky

Oh, she's more than nice, but how do you tell a woman that you have absolutely no mental recollection of her whatsoever?

Palmer

I suppose one could always lie.

Ducky

Have you been spending time with Agent DiNozzo again?

Palmer

Well my friend who went to NYU said that this guy was the club king of New York. He was almost legendary.

Ducky

Well if he wasn't before he most certainly is now.

Palmer

And apparently he only eye up models and A-list celebrities. This guy got the VIP treatment everywhere he went.

Gibbs

You writing a gossip column Palmer?

Ducky

You did me a favor tonight Jethro. Tonight is Smackdown night at the Mallard residence. Can you believe it? Mother's favorite television program, wrestling?

Palmer

Mine too! I love the WWE.

Ducky

I haven't the heart to tell her it's not real.

Ducky

Survived IEDs in Iraq, RPGs in Afghanistan. Unfortunately the local Odocoileus virginianus was too much to bear.

Palmer

That's a white-tailed...

Gibbs

Deer, yeah I know. Are you saying Bambi killed this Marine, Ducky?

Ducky

No. But swerving at 60 miles an hour into a tree to avoid Bambi did.