Ducky Mallard quotes from NCIS

Ducky

[angrily to Tony] That man is an imbecile! He shouldn't be a school crossing guard!

Ducky

[to Gerald after reenacting a death] You're supposed to be dead.

Ducky

[speaking to corpse] That's the problem today isn't it. The technological advances of the so-called internet generation, with their MP3 players, their iPods and video games, spinning themselves into a self-induced state of attention deficit disorder, barely absorbing one cluster of information before the next one strikes their fancy.

Ducky

(to Ari Haswari) I look forward to weighing your liver.

Ducky

I want that terrorist on my table, Jethro.

Ducky

Unlike the living, when the dead speak, they do not lie.

Ducky

To assume is to make an enemy of exactitude.

Ducky

My father used to say "You must live for today; because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come."

Ducky

(to Tony) You sound like Gibbs.

Ducky

(to Palmer) My father used to say "You must live for today; because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come."

Ducky

[Describing a carpet] Looks like sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't matt, trap dust, build static, makes it ideal for carpeting. Personally, I prefer a good shag. [stares from everyone, while Palmer grins widely] From a purely forensic standpoint, I mean.

Ducky

Oh, please. It's not that impressive. It's not as if they were real ninjas.

Ducky

[about the morgue] This is the place, where death rejoices in teaching the living!

Ducky

A man's heart often tells us how he lived. Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died, but contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved.

Ducky

Jimmy, I have no doubt that you have it in you to die a hero's death. But until then, I would greatly appreciate your assistance here.