AbbyI hereby accept your challenge. We will meet on the field at dawn. Weapons: Caffeine fueled intellect versus cold silicon based intelligence. Until then I bid you a good day sir. (turn around to see Ziva and McGee behind her who are trying not to laugh) Hi.
Hi. you talk to your Mass Spectrometer?
Abby
Ya, sometimes. Why?
You challenged it to a duel.
Abby
Well it spit out a chemical composition that I'm not familiar with. There has to be some sense of decorum around here. I'm running it through the computer now.
Well, Gibbs is more interested in this. (holds up a pink, laminated card) Did you find anything yet?
Abby
When, McGee. If you haven't noticed, I'm the only one here! Which may be why I started talking to my machines in the first place.
Well, Abbs, I've got to tell him something.
Abby
Tell him you love him, McGee. It works for me.
(walks in with a Caf-Pow) Not all the time.
Abby
(to McGee, holding a dollar bill and a candy bar) Give me a dollar.
Okay. What's wrong with that one?
Abby
The machine wouldn't take it. And I want a candy bar.
What's wrong with that candy bar?
Abby
It has nougat in it.
Abby
I know! It was a mistake, McGee! Do you have a dollar?!
All I have are big bills.
It's whipped dolphin fat.
No. That's the filling in Klowny Kake.
Abby
That is a myth. [Shouts] Would someone please give me a dollar?!
(silence)
(Abby walks over and snatches it from him)
Abby
Thanks. God, it's like some kind of crime to not like nougat! [Leaves]
I don't even know what nougat is!
It's a cream, made from sugar, honey and nuts. Grab your gear. Got an explosion at a Marine's funeral in James River National.
Did anyone else see what just happened there with Abby?
Yeah. She stole my dollar.
Abby
Tony! I knew you'd be alright, I knew it! Everybody else gave you up for dead, even Ziva!
OK, so I may have acted a little... hastily.
Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it.
(checks his desk) Where's my American Pie coffee mug?
Abby
Palmer.
Abby
Ducky. (looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ducky!
[Tony turns and sees Ducky, caught in the act of trying to replace Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler.]
My dear fellow... I never believed it for a moment!
Abby
The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from belta-glucose. What makes it interesting, is the backbone of D-xylopyranose, linked with eight xylose units... Panda poop.
Abby
Poop. Which is why it fluoresces, like all other poop does. What makes it really, really interesting... is the sodium hydrochloride: a.k.a Chlorine bleach.
Abby
[pause] I, lost you at "poop", huh.
Abby
Gibbs has this uncanny ability to know when I've found something. I don't even know what I've found yet.
FFred
Well he didn't seem happy.
Abby
Oh, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt he's happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so he's usually pretty good with me.
[Tony enters the squad room singing "Luck Be a Lady" out loud and listening to his iPod]
[Ziva makes the "cut it out" sign]
Hi. [notices Gibbs glaring at him] Hey Boss. Sorry about that. It's, uh, Sinatra. You gotta sing along. I mean it's Old Blue Eyes, Chairman of the Board. I'm gonna rat pack it up.
[Gibbs turns and glares at Abby, who is smiling away]
[McGee is intently listening to his iPod at his desk]
MSMcGee's iPod
Becoming an alpha male means that without saying a word, you're able to project confidence and sexuality simply through your body language....
[Unbeknownst to McGee, Gibbs has been standing right next to him glaring at him all this time. McGee notices and jumps, startled.]
MIT lecture. [Gibbs continues staring at him] Nothing I can't listen to on my own time.
Abby
It's the newest version Gibbs. It's 160 gigabytes. You could download like 40,000 songs.
Abby
Five thousand?
Abby
Oh Gibbs, we really have to broaden your horizons. I could download some of my music for you.
[in disbelief] You think the kid's Kamal? He would have had to start when he was eight years old!
Not if he's the new Dread Pirate Roberts.
Abby
[gasps] I love The Princess Bride! "No one would ever surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley."
[They laugh, Gibbs and Fornell stare blankly at both of them.]
[turns his laugh into a cough] Uh, the Dread Pirate Roberts picks a successor, trains him, starts calling him "Roberts," then settles into a cushy retirement. It's the name Kamal that sells the business.
[Abby comes up to the empty squadroom late at night when no one else is there. She sits at Gibbs' desk and puts on his glasses.]
Abby
[Imitating Gibbs] I heard that, DiNozzo. Another wise-ass comment like that, I'll smack you so hard, your grandchildren will feel it. [Looks at McGee's desk] Think it's funny, McGee? Wipe that smile off your face. [Looks at Ziva's desk] That goes for you, too, David. [Picks up the phone] Special Agent Gibbs! [Speaking normal, slowly takes off Gibbs' glasses] You're standing behind me, aren't you?
Yep. [comes over] Feeling very secure about your job, are you, Abs?
Abby
Um, not so much anymore.
She does this for fun! She's been arrested twice! She steals people's money, she buys things...
Abby
The crazy ones are the best.
See, the weird thing is... I kinda dig it, you know?
Abby
Okay, love is never having to read her her Miranda rights, but she's gonna do this to somebody else. Throw her psycho ass in the brig. I love you, McGee. That should be enough.
NCIS · 1,787 quotes
