Did you get her number?
Who, Courtney? No.
I did.
“Identity Crisis” · Season 5, Episode 4
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (7), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (5), Ziva David (4), Abby Sciuto (2), Fornell (2), Timothy McGee (1), Ducky Mallard (1), Jimmy Palmer (1)
[Ziva and McGee are focused at his computer and grinning as Tony walks in]
[chuckles] Aw, not bad....
Look at this one... you're gonna love this guy.
Yeah, he would not be safe with me... I would eat him.
He's so adorable! How can you say no to that face...
[chuckles]
Please tell me you're looking for a man for Ziva.
[gives him a stare] Not me.
Oh! [wanders over] McGoo... is there something you wanna tell me?
Looking at animal rescue sites.
McGee is thinking about getting a puppy.
Puppy's a lot of work. You gotta feed it, walk it, train it...
Yeah, I'm not twelve, alright. I work hard. I deserve someone that will jump up, all excited when I get home, you know. Lay on the couch, watch TV. Maybe lick my face a little bit...
[exchanges amused looks with him and chuckles]
Might be easier getting a girlfriend.
[gives him a distasteful look] Ehh.
Which might be even easier with a puppy. [Tony gets a look on his face, slowly meeting McGee's gaze] Even for you.
I'm not ready to start taking tips on this from you yet, probie.
Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse.
[looks confused] Are you getting a pony?
It's an adage.
I am not familiar with that breed.
Yeah, well they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a pegasus and a unicorn.
So, what's the favorite?
[annoyed] The Pit Bull.
Yeah, that makes sense for you, actually. Not really for McGee. He seems more like a Spaniel kind of guy. Cocker, maybe?
[Tony, Ziva and McGee are discussing which dog to get as Gibbs walks past]
How about an Australian Shepherd. They're working dogs.
[Tony, Ziva and McGee start to get up to help Gibbs]
Siiiiiit. [they slowly sit back down] Stay. [smiles and walks off] Roll over.
[watching an arrest in MTAC] An NCIS production. Presented by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. [On screen, FBI agents are running into building] Starring, as per usual, the FBI.
[Ducky is in his autopsy room instructing a group of medical interns]
The adult human brain weighs approximately three pounds.
Feels like a soggy grape fruit.
[After a moment, one of the interns notices silver fluid leaking out of the removed brain.]
LCLt. Carl Greer
Uh, Doctor? Is this natural?
[cups his hands and catches the liquid] Certainly not.
LCLt. Carl Greer
What the hell is that?
[in horror] This, my dear lieutenant... is murder.
Highland Beach in October. Not much of a tourist draw. Soft-shelled crab season's almost over. People really like boats that much?
You work for the Navy, DiNozzo.
This is why I love you guys. You bring me hair, you bring me blood, you bring me fluids... and mercury.
[At Fornell's office]
Who do you work for Tobias? Homeland Security or the FBI?
World's on my shoulders Gibbs.
World made of paper.
[...]
Kinda defeats the purpose of e-mail when you have to print it all out for the file anyway.
Yeah. That's why I don't use it.
Really? Not because you can't figure out how to work it?
[Gibbs, Fornell and Jenny Shepard enter MTAC where Tony, Ziva and Courtney are waiting for them]
FCFBI Agent Courtney Krieger
The boss looks mad.
[Fornell glares at her]
He's going to chew you up.
Out. "Chew you out." Or maybe not. Maybe he's one of those silent killer types.
[in disbelief] You think the kid's Kamal? He would have had to start when he was eight years old!
Not if he's the new Dread Pirate Roberts.
[gasps] I love The Princess Bride! "No one would ever surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley."
[They laugh, Gibbs and Fornell stare blankly at both of them.]
[turns his laugh into a cough] Uh, the Dread Pirate Roberts picks a successor, trains him, starts calling him "Roberts," then settles into a cushy retirement. It's the name Kamal that sells the business.
[watching an arrest in MTAC] An NCIS production. Brought to you by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. [On screen, FBI agents are running into building] Starring, as usual, the FBI, and the elusive Kamal Konkani.
Freeze it.
[The picture freezes as Fornell and Krieger seize the real Kamal.]
[British accent] The Dread Pirate Roberts, I presume.
[mimicking his accent] Did you get her number?
Who, Courtney? No.
I did.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.