You know what this has? The bacony smell of Canada all over it.
S9The Final Sacrifice
[A card after the prologue and credits reads "Seven Years Later".]
Seven years after the credits?
[confused] I guess.
[A figure leisurely lopes through a graveyard.]
CACrow [as figure]
Well, I better get back to my grave; sun's been up an hour, I'm startin' to disintegrate.
. . .
Heh... you know, people are just dying to--
[sharply] No.
...Sorry.
. . .
[Troy visits his father's grave.]
TTroy
[voiceover] Hello, Dad. It's been a long time. And I miss you. I want to know what happened to you.
MAMike [as Troy's Father]
I died.
[Troy enters his attic.]
Oh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
CACrow [as Troy]
This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
MAMike [as Troy]
I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
SAServo [as Troy]
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
CACrow [as Troy]
Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
Larry Czonka!
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
SAServo [as Troy]
Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
CACrow [as Troy]
I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.
[One of Satoris' henchmen cuts through Troy's front door with a chainsaw.]
It's open!
. . .
CACrow [as henchman]
Can I interest you in a replacement door?
[After his henchmen invade Troy's home, evil, deep-voiced Satoris strolls in.]
Canadian villain Garth Vader. [N]
[Troy outruns the cultists' van on his bike.]
MAMike [as Cultist]
Damn you, Pee-Wee!
[Over several establishing shots of the run-down part of town, the sound of a car engine trying and failing to turn over is heard.]
CCrow
Uh-oh, the town's alternator is shot.
What's your name, laddy?
TTroy
Troy MacGregor.
I'm Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower.
CCrow
Yeah, well I'm Bill Shtinkwater!
[Rowsdower's truck starts up.]
Rowsdowermobile, away!
And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!
[The film keeps cutting between Rowsdower's broken-down pickup, a poorly-repainted Gran Torino, and a stolen ten-speed bike.]
CCrow
[frustrated] I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here!
[Rowsdower and Troy have lost the pursuing cultists.]
Do you have any idea of what kind of people you're dealing with?
CACrow [as Rowsdower]
They're from Saskatchewan!
TTroy
No.
It's a cult.
SAServo [as Rowsdower]
They worship blue oysters.
They want to rule the world.
TTroy
How do you know?
I've been around, kid.
CACrow [as Rowsdower]
And I've been a square kid.
D'oh!
[Rowsdower again tries and fails to start his truck as the engine struggles.]
[imitating the engine] Rowsdower-er-er-er-er...
Go to hell!
CACrow [as Rowsdower]
Or at least Edmonton!
[Rowsdower and Troy enter an abandoned shack, Pipper's house, and discover food inside.]
TTroy
FOOD!
CACrow [as Rowsdower]
Yeah, no beer, though.
PPipper
Hey! Who goes there?!
SAServo [as Troy]
More FOOD!
PPipper
What the hell you doin' here?!
CACrow [as Troy]
We were eating your FOOD!
[Rowsdower and Troy encounter Mike Pipper, a crazy old hermit, who holds them at gunpoint.]
PPipper
McGreggor? Troy McGreggor? ...Thomas's son?
TTroy
Yeah! Did you know him?
SAServo [as Pipper]
Know him? He was delicious!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.