Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 9
[Rowsdower is trudging up a hill]
Hey, how'd he get his pants clean?
Say what you want about the filthy, grizzled guy, he does a good load of laundry.
. . .
[singing] You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, shovin' those sandwiches into your face, singing...
We will, we will ROWSDOWER!
SING IT!
[Servo stops singing, but Crow keeps going.]
We will, we... [normally] Oh, guess that's over.
[During the final confrontation Troy picks up a rifle and shoots Satoris in the back, who slowly turns to face him.]
You shot me in the butt! What the hell?! You shot me IN THE BUTT!
[The group sing as music plays and the credits start to roll]
Oh baby, Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!
He comes to save the day in a broken truck.
With a stinky denim jacket on his back.
He couldn't help this movie, which really sucked!
But at least we didn't have to see him play [falters] h-hackey sack....
What?!
Sorry, I panicked.
They used to rule this land.
They ruled this one acre for about a week. Nobody knew.
[Troy is tied up and Rowsder gives him a knife to cut the rope]
I dropped it.
Which is the sharp side?
Um, I cut both my wrists.
Uh, I somehow swallowed the knife.
[The film's title is shown.]
The story of Aleister Crappie!
[Coming aboard the Seaquarium, Stella and Peter are looking for Dr. Janet.]
Janet! Janet!
Oh, sorry, I forgot. I'm nasty, Miss Jackson!
[Mad scientist Dr. Davis, armed with a gun, confronts WOI head Dr. West.]
Anyone who has the chance to tap the enormous reserves of the sea… will have the future, Doctor.
In his hands.
Exactly.
Yeah, thanks for helping me out there.
[Several squads of locals have volunteered to help the police and Coast Guard track down and burn the Devil Fish, while Peter acts as bait. They pour pink-tinted gasoline in the water.]
Deploy the Countrytime Pink Lemonade!
I bet they hired every nature-hating psycho in Dade County.
[Shot of skinny woman in bikini on raft]
See the Human Lady!
[That night, the squads are still looking for the Devil Fish.]
Squad number one. Report in.
Squad number one, Sheriff. Ain't seen nothing yet.
B-b-b-baby, we ain't seen n-n-nothing yet, over.
. . .
Squad number two. Squad number two!
We done been et, over!
. . .
Squad number two. Squad number two!
Oh, they'll be number two soon enough.
. . .
[The rednecks of Squad Number Two become a light snack for the Devil Fish.]
[singing to Neil Young's "Southern Man"] Southern man, gonna eat your head!
. . .
[The Sheriff and the other squads arrive and again pour gasoline into the water.]
Well, this should take care of every living thing in the Everglades.
. . .
[The squads are playing flamethrowers over the gasoline, cooking the Devil Fish.]
Okay, now, throw in the diced onions and celery and chopped porcini mushrooms!
Does the Coast Guard have a lot of use for flamethrowers?
. . .
[Close up of burning water.]
Eww, someone threw a match on the Cuyahoga River.
One of my classmates died in the kiln today, mother.
[One of the robots doing Gumby's yardwork drives its lawnmower through the fence into the next yard.]
Hey, don't! That's Wallace and Gromit's yard!
[Another robot chops down a tree.]
Hey! That's old-growth clay!
. . .
[Another robot is ripping slats from the garage.]
Habitat Against Humanity.
[Gumby's dad Gumbo arrives at the house, where we see a cloud -- actually, a piece of white fluff -- stuck on the construction-paper sky.]
It's a fair to partly-cottony day…
Such clever boys certainly deserve crackers with their milk!
Crackers? Wow! Maybe they can have white rice later!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
