[Peaches works out on a rowing machine, continually thrusting her huge breasts into the camera.]
CCrow
[nervously] I'm being turned on by a woman who is long dead!
S6Racket Girls
[Five minutes before the movie ends, music finally appears on the soundtrack]
CCrow
Music?! Why here? Why now? WHY US?!
S6The Sword and the Dragon
[A crippled Ilya sits at the window, gazing at Vilya]
MAMike [as Ilya]
Man, she's a fox.
[We see a large banquet taking place]
CACrow [as man]
It might just be the wine, Lars, but you're a pretty man...
SAServo [as man]
Sven, no! You mustn't!
[Vilya presents her magic tablecloth to Ilya, who is quite pleased.]
IIlya
Now you must rest from your labors, my busy little wife.
SAServo [as Ilya]
Let us the nasty do.
[The camera pans slowly over a recent battlefield, the bodies being pecked by carrion birds]
CCrow
Crows! My brethren! See what a grand and noble creature they are?
[doubtfully] Uh huh...
[Little Falcon stares into Ilya's ring, seeing himself as a child with his mother.]
LFLittle Falcon
It is as though in a vision... I see my mother!
[He turns to face Ilya]
CACrow [as Little Falcon]
Mom!
[leaving while being too weirded out by Mike and the Bots reenactment of the forest tablecloth scene] ...You guys are so weird!
[Mike and the bots put on a satirical political song and dance number]
CCrow
[singing while holding a prop gun]
I'm the Crime Bill; bang bang! I'm the Crime Bill; bang bang! I get shot at every day...
I'm the Crime Bill; bang bang! I'm the Crime Bill; bang bang! I'm opposed by the NRA- bang bang! [pretends to be shot and "dies"]
S6High School Big Shot
[In an ethereal office space, devilish Red and angelic Whitey make a wager on Joe, a bread salesman.]
They're operating under a different theology.
[Red is explaining the details of his plan]
RRed
Say a young woman goes down there and berates the way he does business...?
CACrow [as Red]
Say I'm starring in Forever Plaid!
[Whitey is talking to Bill Dudley, but music covers what she's saying.]
MAMike [as Whitey]
So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings?" and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well...
[after a disguised Whitey demeans Bill Dudley's bread delivery job, he sets out to change her mind]
First of all, take a look. [holds up bread] A loaf of bread.
CACrow [as Dudley]
Eat every piece!
. . .
WWhitey
Are you by any chance trying to say that you think this business of yours is important?
That's exactly the way I feel about it.
MAMike [as Dudley]
[miserably] I have to. It's all I've got!
[a flashback reveals Dudley's past poor delivery habits]
Today, I go after a grocer's goodwill a little different.
SAServo [as Dudley]
Watch me come on to a grocer.
. . .
[Dudley tries to impress grocer Mr. Marco by complimenting his new carts]
Hey, something new! [pushes cart experimentally]
MAMike [as Dudley]
Be a shame if this ran over your kid...
You see, I want every grocer on my route thinking...
[cut to a montage of grocers]
MAMike [as grocer]
What a moron.
GVGrocer voiceover
That Bill Dudley is OK. Never slams doors. Always seems friendly, always got a smile.
SAServo [as grocer]
What's he on?
VVoiceover
Always interested in my store, treats my place with respect.
CACrow [as grocer]
What does he want from me?
VVoiceover
Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself.
SAServo [as Grocer]
Why can't he leave me alone?
VVoiceover
I like to do business with salesmen like that.
MAMike [as Grocer]
But his bread sucks.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.