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S6

Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 6

“High School Big Shot” quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

10 quotes

“High School Big Shot” · Season 6

In this episode: Mike Nelson (8), Bill Dudley (5), Crow T. Robot (4), Tom Servo (2), Red (1)

[In an ethereal office space, devilish Red and angelic Whitey make a wager on Joe, a bread salesman.]

They're operating under a different theology.

[Red is explaining the details of his plan]

Say a young woman goes down there and berates the way he does business...?

CACrow [as Red]

Say I'm starring in Forever Plaid!

[Whitey is talking to Bill Dudley, but music covers what she's saying.]

MAMike [as Whitey]

So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings?" and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well...

[after a disguised Whitey demeans Bill Dudley's bread delivery job, he sets out to change her mind]

First of all, take a look. [holds up bread] A loaf of bread.

CACrow [as Dudley]

Eat every piece!

. . .

WWhitey

Are you by any chance trying to say that you think this business of yours is important?

That's exactly the way I feel about it.

MAMike [as Dudley]

[miserably] I have to. It's all I've got!

[a flashback reveals Dudley's past poor delivery habits]

Today, I go after a grocer's goodwill a little different.

SAServo [as Dudley]

Watch me come on to a grocer.

. . .

[Dudley tries to impress grocer Mr. Marco by complimenting his new carts]

Hey, something new! [pushes cart experimentally]

MAMike [as Dudley]

Be a shame if this ran over your kid...

You see, I want every grocer on my route thinking...

[cut to a montage of grocers]

MAMike [as grocer]

What a moron.

GVGrocer voiceover

That Bill Dudley is OK. Never slams doors. Always seems friendly, always got a smile.

SAServo [as grocer]

What's he on?

VVoiceover

Always interested in my store, treats my place with respect.

CACrow [as grocer]

What does he want from me?

VVoiceover

Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself.

SAServo [as Grocer]

Why can't he leave me alone?

VVoiceover

I like to do business with salesmen like that.

MAMike [as Grocer]

But his bread sucks.

[explaining his work philosophy] The two most important things a bread salesman needs is this [taps head] and this. [taps inventory book]

A hat and a pad.

[explaining his work philosophy] That's why I keep these bull-eye's handy, so that a small slip-up doesn't turn into a big trip-up.

Make sure you stock your truck up, so that you don't ... well, you know...

High School Big Shot (movie)

[The movie opens with a close-up of Marv speaking to someone off-screen.]

He has a haunting ugliness.

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