[Duke and Riley tumble out of the loft and hit the floor of the barn.]
I fought the loft and the loft won.
S6Last of the Wild Horses
[reacting to the alternate versions' of Frank and Forrester performing "Joey the Lemur"] THIS IS WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED HAVING MY WORST NIGHTMARE ABOUT!
This is horrible; there are no lemurs in this movie! [flees while he and Gypsy scream in horror]
SServo (Mirror)
[being restrained by Mike] I.... ORDER YOUUUU!!! LET ME GOOOO!!! You traitorous pigs! What's going on?! Where's my personal guard?! Ha ha ha, alright Mike, whatever your game is, I'll play it, mister.
Apparently, some sort of transposition has taken place.
CCrow
Extremely interesting, Plankton- I have no idea why I said that.
Anyway, we gotta get him inside the theater. [begins to pull him offscreen]
CCrow
I'll get his feet.
SServo (Mirror)
What is it that will buy you?! Power?! I can get that for you! Money?! Credits?! Name it! NAME IIIT!!!
[as "Mirror" Servo is brought into the theater against his will]
SServo (Mirror)
Let... me... GO! Would you just DIE?! I'll have you killed and then tortured, and then-
Have a seat! Sit down!
SServo (Mirror)
And- I'll- Oh hey, a cowboy movie! Hee hee!
Right. Sit and watch it.
S6The Starfighters
[As a rocket blows up a large white target on a barren hillside.]
CCrow
Ah, Christo's latest installa--oh good.
Is your face odd? Misshapen? Join the Air Force.
[Lt. Lyons pulls up to the curb at his new base, his blonde wife in the convertible's passenger seat.]
CACrow [as Lyons]
Alright, Dave… why don't ya get outta the wig, and into your uniform?
SAServo [as Lyons]
Honey, just wait in the car until my tour of duty is done.
[Major Stevens briefs the colonel on newcomer Witkowski's natural flying talent.]
CHCol. Hunt
Do you know, flying a plane is like making love?
CACrow [as Maj. Stevens]
Uh, you have to pay?
[Col. Hunt answers the phone.]
CHCol. Hunt
Colonel Hunt speaking.
WWikowski
Good morning, Colonel Hunt! You're a hard man to find.
MAMike [as Hunt]
Sarah?
CHCol. Hunt
Who's this?
WWikowski
Well, it's a little difficult to introduce oneself over the phone...
CACrow [as Wikowski]
I sell paneling.
WWikowski
I'm John Wikowski, father of one of the pilots that transferred to your command a couple of weeks ago.
CHCol. Hunt
[suddenly smiling] Oh yes, our Lieutenant Wikowski!
And his face springs into action!
CHCol. Hunt
I do know you by reputation, of course, Congressman. Pleasure to speak with you in person. But I believe your boy is up on a training mission right now, or I'd have him talk to you.
WWikowski
Oh, I merely wanted to introduce myself to you...
MAMike [as Wikowski]
Perhaps dinner...
WWikowski
We have a bit in common, you see...
CACrow [as Wikowski/Liberace]
My brother George...
WWikowski
You remember flying in the ETO together, 20 years ago?
CHCol. Hunt
Quite a lot of us pilots were in the ETO together at that time, sir.
WWikowski
Yes, I suppose so.
[to Mike, mishearing] They were in BTO?
I guess...
[A fighter pilot drops a bomb from his plane; it hits the testing range and a second stage flies out of the bomb as if on a spring.]
CCrow
Sproioioioing! Bd-d-d-d-d-d...
It's the new Air Force Goofy Bomb, from Wham-O!
Yeah, go ahead and laugh; there's a kitty in that bomb.
[The bomb lands and explodes in a cloud of dust.]
CCrow
It landed on Pig-Pen!
[Mike notices something inscribed on the side of a plane's cockpit.]
"Lt. Hebe"? Look at that...
It says "Lift Here".
Oh.
MAMike [as Crashed Pilot]
Oh, it was pretty rough, man, I had to eat a lizard and drink my urine!
SAServo [as Rescuer]
You were only here for ten minutes!
So basically, according to themselves, the Air Force is a bunch of leather-faced, not-so-bright, heavy drinking, dull-witted speed freaks who poop in their pants and can't make it with women, right?
Um...
Am I right?
Yeah. That is correct.
[over the opening title]
CCrow
The Sean Penn story!
[As a rocket blows up a large white target on a barren hillside.]
CCrow
We're gonna bomb 'em back to the Jazz Age!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.