One of these is cleansing cream.
SAServo [as Narrator]
One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
S5The Painted Hills
[The short closes with the cleaned-up teens going to bed.]
And so... the end of a perfect day.
JAJoel [as Narrator]
An entire day spent grooming.
. . .
And you...
JAJoel [as Narrator]
Jezebel!
...by following these simple rules of body care and grooming, you too will [have] that quality of appearance, that feeling of well-being, so important to make your dreams of happiness come true.
CACrow [as Narrator]
And remember--when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight.
[As we fade out...]
KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS! KEEP WATCHING THE MEDICINE CABINETS!
CCrow
You're next!
[A few more names appear]
[sarcastically] Oh, let's not forget these guys!
The Painted Hills (movie)
[Over the credit for screenwriter True Boardman]
Yeah, I'm afraid we're gonna be true bored men after this...
CCrow
Now, is this the real Old West, or the Roy Rogers Old West where they had electricity and cars?
JJonathan
Thirty years of mud scrabblin', and when I do find the glory dust, I go off half-cocked!
CACrow [as Jonathan]
But enough vernacular...
TTaylor
Never mind the dog, Tommy...
SAServo [as Taylor]
Here's the Sex Pistols.
[In response to a corral that suddenly appears]
How did that corral get there?
CCrow
They used CorelDraw.
[Over a scenic shot of a mountain]
CCrow
Mount Rushmore!...Before it was built.
[After a long montage depicting Tommy, Jonathan, Taylor, and Shep working together on Jonathan's mining site, the scene fades to a shot of Taylor looking out the window of the cabin.]
JAJoel [as Taylor]
Well, looks like the montage finally blew over.
[Pilot Pete saddles up his horse and heads away from Jonathan's cabin after a brief, uneventful stay.]
CCrow
So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, and leaves.
CACrow [as Shep]
SNAUSAGES!
S5Gunslinger
[Stopping his Brain Scan on TV's Frank and looking at the Camera] Ah, Joel. Your experiment this week is your first western. It's called "Gunslinger" and it stars Beverly Garland in her pre-Doddy period.
TSTV's Frank
Beverly Garland [growls, but is cut off by another scan]
And it's directed by Roger Corman, so your brain might explode before Frank's does. [turns back to scan Frank before looking back quickly] Yippie-ki-yay, mama jama.
[The movie begins and Rose Wood walks to the Sheriff's office. Thanks to the wide-angle shot, two criminals on horseback are revealed to the side.]]
[As the criminals start moving.]] Ah, cue the horses!
CCrow
[Under his breath]] Corman...
[As the criminals stop] Boy, she is slick. How'd she get by us?
[In a barfight, a patron grabs Jake and throws him over the bar.]
You know, he shoulda slid him across the bar.
Oh, they hadn't invented that yet.
Man, this movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.