[Behind a security blockade a line of people are being silently unloaded from a truck and led into a building.]
No acting beyond this point. Not allowed.
CCrow
The illegal smuggling of mimes. Nobody ever talks about it.
S4City Limits
[A flamboyantly dressed motorcyclist rides in, following a series of fiery explosions.]
Okay, wait, can we all just check our scripts, please? ...oh, I guess it does say that Boy George rides in flinging molotov cocktails.
S4Teenagers from Outer Space
[The mature alien captain emerges from the spaceship.]
CCrow
Wow, really old teenagers from outer space.
[Derek holds his shipmates at gunpoint to prevent the release of the gargon.]
When we return to our planet, the High Court may well sentence you to torture!
JCJoel, Crow, Servo
TORCHAA!!
We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!
SAServo [as Captain]
We have the supreme pizzas!
[Thor holds Derek at gunpoint.]
TThor
Before the high court has you executed, you should be made to watch what happens when we return here with the gargans! By the elements alone, they will grow to millions of times their original size in less time than it takes for the sun to rise and fall."
You mean a day?
[Derek, armed with a dead cop's gun, looks for Thor along the street.]
JAJoel [as Derek/Freddy]
[singing to "On the Street Where You Live"]
I have often walked down the street before,
But I've never done it packing heat before…
[Derek, driving a car, recalls his captain's earlier contempt for humanity.]
We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!
CCrow
Ahh, turn Rush Limbaugh off!
Where are you from Derek?
JAJoel [as Derek]
A place called "Studsville". Population: "Me".
S4Being from Another Planet
[Watching the title credit]
You know, Being from Another Planet, I didn't have much to do with this.
[Establishing shot of hospital]
...and now, Trapper John, M.D.!
CCrow
Boy, Tra-Trapper John, M.D. lives right next door to Medical Center!
Yeah!
TSTV's Frank
[introducing figurines he and Dr. Forrester call Tragic Moments, panning to a figure of a crying boy cradling the body of his dead dog] Sure, Grandma will cry when she sees her lovely gift, but for very different reasons. This first one is entitled "Sparky's Last Romp"; and these beautiful, handcrafted figurines depict little Billy's first hard lesson in life, plus what happens when a dog teases a cow way past the breaking point.
Others in the collection include He Raises a Hand in Anger, World's Deadest Grandma and Dad's Liquid Breakfast.
CCrow
[as Joel and the Bots voice their disapproval] You should be locked up for being that evil!
[Joel is demonstrating his Invention Exchange presentation: a Jack Palance impersonation kit]
It makes anything you say worth listening to; isn't that right?
CCrow
[using the impersonation kit] I just purchased a new shovel today. Its cost: 15 dollars. Believe it... or not.
Or you can use it to scare your friends. [to Servo] Hey, is your name said Jack Palance or Jack Pa-lance?
[using the kit] That- would be a decision for you to make. Choose wisely...
[reading over the cast names] James Karen? Boy, he has an identity problem.
Sam Chew [Jr]?
CCrow
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.