Better wait 'til he calls on me, though... 'til he reaches for the spirit!
Yeah, calls for Satan.
S3War of the Colossal Beast
[Returning home from school, a dejected Buzz fends off his mother's concern.]
BBuzz
Nah, I better get upstairs, and... do the reading.
BSBuzz's Mother
All right, dear. Oh, and Buzz...?
CACrow [as Buzz's Mother]
This time, don't make so much noise when you "read."
JAJoel [as Buzz's Mother]
Why does my kid have to be such a dud? I was popular!
Whether you know it or not, you sent for me! When you reached down to grab that music, to make yourself feel better, you awakened the spirit of music inside you! That's me, B Natural!
[excited] So I'm attracted to guys now?
[Joel nudges Servo, shaking his head as if to say "stop that!"]
You sing a baby a lullaby, and it coos.
CACrow [as Jerry Lewis]
The lull-a-baby-bye! Oh... go away!
[Mr. B Natural is talking about joining the school band.]
And wait 'til you see the kicks you get out of it, Buzz.
Kicks!
The glamour of the uniform...
Kicks!
The thrill of traveling for a band competition...
The all-night coke jags in cheap motels!
...just like being in a football team, and best of all, Buzz, fun, fun, fun!
CACrow [as Buzz]
Yeah, that's nice... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
When you want to show dignity, Buzz, try a French horn!
Uh, Mr. B, what would you know about dignity?
[Mr. B Natural cavorts before the lifesized musical staff as "his" instruments play together.]
You know, I think Oscar Wilde only wished he was this gay, you know?
Ladies and gentlemen, please accept our sincere apology for all of this. Please.
CACrow [as Buzz]
Forget music, I wanna dance!
[Mr. B dances to some music.]
CCrow
He's so perky... kill her.
See, Buzz? It's really fun to be psychotic.
[Mr. B appears in the music store and begins talking.]
JAJoel [as Buzz]
[in a panicky voice] Mom, Dad, tell me you heard that!
CCrow
[in a midwestern voice] Oh cripes. Polish, polish, polish. That's what I do all day.
[A shot of unpolished trumpets is shown to a background of low music.]
Honey West!
[Three trumpet shells are shown, with someone behind them.]
Come on now, watch the red man. Watch for the red man, you're wrong.
[An inspector is checking a trumpet.]
Extra value's what you get when you play the coronet.
CCrow
This trumpet is flatlining!
[Buzz is performing at a school dance]
JSJoel, Servo, Crow
[singing to the music] We're really, really white, we're really, really, really, really white...
. . .
Say, that guy's got a way with a ballad.
. . .
CACrow [as radio host]
Well, the old clock on the wall says that's all for the Stridex Medicated Band hour...
. . .
[Mr. B Natural appears and gives the "okay" symbol.]
It stinks!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.