Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 13 quotes

Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!

Just keep that override down!!!

Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

And lo, did the white people flee into the desert, soon to create Scottsdale, Arizona.

Can't believe I'm really on the dark side of the moon.

Well, as a matter of fact, it's all dark.

Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds.

Servo

And your point?

That's not gonna be problematic...

I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!

I'm used to it, I'm on Twitter.

Servo

My friend, Ja Rule told me that Fyre Fest would be here.

Oh, she can finally clean that fan.

Feast your eyes on this.

Servo

Anything to take our eyes off of that.

That's a Tuscarora!

No, that's a pearl.

It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?

From a wet scared guy.

Can you fence it?

Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire! These are rare, I haven't seen one in years.

There's a lot more where that came from.

Servo

I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.

I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.

Splitting it? That's almost like half!

[shaking East Eddie's hand] Put 'er there, pard!

You got it, 'ner!

Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days.

Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?

Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand.

It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene.

So we'll split it three ways!

Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!

No, we don't need him!

I want him! He'll keep us honest.

What are we, crooks?

Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on.

[hysterical] You can't live on an island! It's surrounded by WATER! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

Wait a minute, how am I sitting across from me?

[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight] Really low AI on the NPCs in this game.

I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!

Esperanto.

The truth!

Is East Eddie the bad guy???

And you talk to me in English!

Servo

That's why American tourists are beloved the world over.

I guess we hosts have to stick together.

Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world.

Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb.

Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!

Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden?

I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-

MOVIE SIGN!

Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him.

Island Tinder.

[to Syrene] I don't love you.

Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...

She really runs like a mermaid.

Wait. Stop. Come back.

There is still another place.

Where the watermelons grow?

You've been holding out.

It's very deep.

Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?

According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.

Boring mythology, but okay.

You've seen them?

No, but others in my village have.

And the fish down there? Totally naked.

What are we waiting for?

You mean, "For what are we waiting?"

It's very dangerous.

Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.