Jonah Uh-oh, I think this contraption is powered by an Etch-a-Sketch.
S13Santo in the Treasure of Dracula
VRProfessor Van Roth
How strange. This mirror reflects everything.
Yes, it's a mirror.
VRVan Roth
Except you!
CDCount Dracula
Bastard! [shatters the mirror]
Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.
[as Dracula flees after being revealed by Van Roth]
JAJonah [as Dracula]
You fool, I've been me the whole time!
VRVan Roth
Mein Gott! [proceeds to cross his heart]
Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles...
LLuisa
That was an awful experience.
SSanto
Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest.
CTCrow T. Robot [as Luisa]
But I've slept most of the movie.
Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie.
No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store.
CCrow
Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.
So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.
S13Robot Wars
[as the opening credits lists J. Downing]
I bet the J stands for "just please don't use my full name".
[as a robot is shown onscreen]
CCrow
Papa, is that you???
JHJonah Heston
Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not.
...
[the robot is shown again]
CCrow
Papa, you wanna have a catch?
Hey, it's not your dad, okay?
CCrow
Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!
[after a model tank is destroyed] There goes the entire practical effect budget.
DDrake
Rooney, you must have grown up in old California with too much sun. Let me ask you a question. Was your daddy rich and your mama good looking?
RRooney
You're cruising for a court martial, buster boy.
SAServo [as Drake]
That's buster bro!
RRooney
I hope he gets his balls shot off.
CSCrow, Servo, and Jonah
So say we all.
SStumpy
You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!
CCrow
You know, like the Titanic, or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!
[during a laser gun fight]
CCrow
So who are we rooting for?
Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie.
GGPC
[at the sight of a building labeled "Oasis"] Anyway, here's "Wonderwall."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.