Oh, I bet this is the part of the movie where Eric's gonna give a big speech about no matter what we look like on the outside, we are all the same, and really, isn't that— [the police begin opening fire on the aliens, starting a massive firefight] Whoa, okay. Tha— I mean like— oh! NO! NOO! NO STOP! NO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW WE'RE ALL THE SAME!
What? [the cars all explode, causing a massive explosion of the gas store]
[freaking out] NO, WHAT THE F— COME ON!!! This didn't happen in E.T. !
I love the smell of napalm in the morning!
[stressed] It's supposed to be about how we're all the same in the end and everything's gonna be okay...
He looks like Teddy Ruxpin with his face torn off.
That's neither the church nor the steeple.
[Mac blows a bubblegum bubble]
SA Servo [as Mac]
Wanna see my spleen? It's pretty cool.
[Eric pops the bubble]
SA Servo [as Mac]
Ahh! I need that to live!
Crow Atlantic Rim? Could you be more Pacific?
AH Admiral Hadley
Pretty big step for a radar glitch. Do you have anymore information you wanna tell me?
Bruce Willis was dead the whole time, sir.
Time is a social construct, SIR!
A Dr. Adams
Who would take down an oil rig?
It just disappeared from my sonar, I don't have anything here. Anybody else reading anything?
[as Stone] Uh, Lincoln in the Bardo .
[as Admiral Hadley] Cash on Cash by Johnny Cash.
[as Dr. Margaret Adams] Danielle Steel.
[as Lt. Wexler] I'm into podcasts.
[as Red battles a giant monster]
This thing's all over my ass, man! He's gonna tear me up!
Hey, send someone in there, he's getting killed down there!
[as the camera shows different characters]
SA Servo [as Hadley]
That thing's all over him.
CA Crow [as Adams]
Tearing him up.
Jonah [as Wexler] Especially his ass.
[as Red is being put in the brig]
Yeezy? Kanye? I don't know what to call him anymore! Tell me what to call Kanye, please!
SA Servo [as Red]
Oh, I think I found a way out. I'm gonna get outta here- [door is locked] Aww man...
Yo, there's people dying!
JA Jonah [as Red]
And it's actually Berenstain Bears! Not Bernstein!!!
[in a scene with two bomber pilots]
I kinda just figured we'd get matching helmets, didn't you?
That day, eight brave soldiers evacuated Manhattan by word of mouth alone.
JA Jonah [as Geise]
He's gonna hear about this! "@US Navy; my Admiral says 'cappish' instead of 'capiche'. LOL, eyepatch emoji," tweet.
CA Crow [as Geise]
Ya boy.
G Geise
We're not getting no play here.
CA Crow [as Geise]
It's a total sausage fest.
G Geise
The Admiral is going to lose New York one way or another.
CA Crow [as Geise]
He's already misplaced Orlando.
G Geise
I think it's time we implement...
CA Crow [as Geise]
Pause for effect.
G Geise
... the Trojan Horse.
CA Crow [as Geise]
Bum, bum, bum!
CA Crow [as Geise]
I love you. Uh- wai- Why is he always hanging up right when I'm about to say it?
[as the bots attack the monster]
Guys, lets look at this from the monster's point of view. He's out of his element, an endangered species, probably just looking for food and suddenly, some robots attack him.
Yeah, if anything, he's a poor huddled mass just yearning to breath free.
We should be welcoming this new sea monster American, and the unique skills he brings with him.
[At this point, the monster accidentally destroys the Statue of Liberty, causing Jonah and the bots to freak out]
Kill that monster! [in chorus with Servo and Crow] USA! USA! USA!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
