[as Simon watches his father battle Shurka via a reflection in water]
CCrow
It's streaming video. Get it?
S11Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
Jiffy Pop helmet, save me!
[as Kor walks away from Simon and Gulfax] This is where Kor's theme song comes in.
[starts singing]
They call me Kor the Conquerer
I thought I could conquer anything
But ever since I met that boy
I've found out I'm not worth a thing
That's just par for the Kor
That's just par
They call me Kor!
[after Simon casts a spell which destroys the pool, in which Shurka was watching him in an explosion]
Whoa! A real on-camera explosion, no digital effects!
SShurka
Damn him! [continues angrily screaming] He has beaten me this time; Bombinooooo!
See, that guy is actually screaming because he almost got hurt. This is a real outtake.
CCrow
Oh wow!
What is it?
KKor
Riders, coming this way!
Writers? They'll fix the script!
[as Simon resurrects the dead]
[as Simon] I just remembered, I'm an overpriviledged wuss!
HHurla
Your greatest test is yet to come. Gulfax must stay here while you face it, but I have a plan. We'll join you later when you need us most.
CCrow
That's not a plan.
But I can't.
HHurla
Nothing in this world is certain. If you survive, we will join you.
SAServo [as Hurla]
And if you don't, I promise to come to your funeral wearing a new white fur coat.
JAJonah [as Waldorf]
I just realized why they called it a suicide cave!
SAServo [as Statler]
Why's that?
JAJonah [as Waldorf]
Because I want to kill myself!
[Servo and Jonah laugh like Statler and Waldorf]
JAJonah [as Waldorf]
I'm depressed...
CACrow [as the Crypt-Keeper]
Welcome to Suicide Cavern! People are just dying to get in here. [evil laugh]
SAServo [as the Crypt-Keeper]
Watch out for the stalag-fright! [cackles]
CACrow [as the Crypr-Keeper]
Be careful so you don't go batty! [wicked laugh]
SAServo [as the Crypt-Keeper]
Here, let me give you a... hand!
Okay, that's it. I'm calling a moratorium on the Crypt-Keeper impressions.
CSCrow & Servo [as the Crypt-Keeper]
Oooh! A crematorium! [wicked laughing]
[Jonah gets annoyed, and grabs Crow and Servo, and crashes them into each other]
CCrow
Oof!
Ow!
[when Simon and Kor come upon a large dirty waterfall landscape]
CCrow
This is where the runoff goes from Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
[while Simon and Shurka duel each other in magic]
So how come wizards have such terrible aim?
Must be all that extra fabric in their sleeves. Throws off their movements.
CCrow
Come on, wizards are the nerds of the fantasy world. Clearly, they all need glasses, but glasses haven't been invented yet.
Well you'd think they'd have a spell to make their eyesight better.
CCrow
Yeah, well clearly they don't, because their aim is so bad.
[as the credits begin rolling] Oh, how nice. And King Simon reigns in peace and wisdom.
[laughs sarcastically] You seriously believe that? You know he's gonna make a bloody purge of the remaining Shurka loyalists.
CCrow
Oh, he has to. Of course, the paranoia that more remain will drive him mad.
Oh, leaving him open to his prudish wife's incredibly strict religious beliefs.
CCrow
Yeah, leading him to install a ruthless theocracy in which thousands are slain by agents of the inquisition.
I mean, are you sure he can't just grow up to be a wise, old, merry king?
Open your eyes, Jonah! Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
CCrow
Before long, even his closest friend Gulfax will have joined the rebellion.
Hurla, that wily political operater will switch sides.
CCrow
And Simon will be killed in battle by his own son, so that the cycle can begin anew.
[sighs] A throne gained in blood shall be lost in the same.
You guys are making me feel sick.
It's called reality, Jonah. Learn to live with it.
S11Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II
CCaedmon
I don't know why they give such an important quest to a powerless, has-been wizard.
Someone's been reading the comment section on his blog posts.
Guys, I never thought I’d miss Simon and Kor so badly.
[as Tyor is entranced by a female dancer]
TTyor
She's beautiful, master! So delicate!
[she punches one of the patrons]
CACrow [as Tyor]
She's her own bouncer!
TTyor
So strong!
CCaedmon
Time to go, Tyor.
TTyor
But, master!
CCaedmon
Time to go, Tyor!
TTyor
But, master!
JAJonah [as Caedmon]
Time to go, Tyor!!!
TTyor
Isn't the arts part of my education?
CCaedmon
Absolutely not!
SAServo [as Caedmon]
The state cut arts funding!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.