CCaedmon
I don't know why they give such an important quest to a powerless, has-been wizard.
Someone's been reading the comment section on his blog posts.
“Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II” · Season 11
In this episode: Jonah (7), Crow T. Robot (5), Tom Servo (4), Tyor (3)
Guys, I never thought I’d miss Simon and Kor so badly.
[as Tyor is entranced by a female dancer]
TTyor
She's beautiful, master! So delicate!
[she punches one of the patrons]
CACrow [as Tyor]
She's her own bouncer!
TTyor
So strong!
CCaedmon
Time to go, Tyor.
TTyor
But, master!
CCaedmon
Time to go, Tyor!
TTyor
But, master!
JAJonah [as Caedmon]
Time to go, Tyor!!!
TTyor
Isn't the arts part of my education?
CCaedmon
Absolutely not!
SAServo [as Caedmon]
The state cut arts funding!
CCrow
So it's basically rock-paper-scissors. Fire destroys amulet. Amulet freezes legs. Legs stomp out fire. Yeah.
TTyor
You will no longer breathe the air of a free man.
[Loki laughs]
Robert Blake in Lost Highway.
TTyor
By the amulet's power, I turn you into stone!
He's making all this up as he goes along.
TTyor
Oomen, kauai, tenk!
SAServo [as Loki]
Sorry, I was thinking of an episode of Caroline in the City.
[Loki is turned to stone]
Alright, take him to Jabba.
TTyor
Now his garden is complete.
CCrow
YEEEAAAH!!! CSI: Miami!
[as two thieves engage in a fight, and one begins to attack using the exact same move]
SAServo [as thief]
Prepare for my overhand! [attack is blocked]
CACrow [as thief]
Or how about my overhand! [attack is blocked again]
JAJonah [as thief]
No? Well try my OVERHAND! [blocked again]
CSCrow, Servo, and Jonah
OVERHAND! [blocked] OVERHAND! [blocked]
SAServo [as thief]
You defeated my overhand, sir knight, but can you handle— [bandit uses the same attack again] PSYCH! Overhand! [blocked again]
DDonar
[capturing Freyja] Who gave him the sword?
JAJonah [as Donar]
And where's your hall pass?
DDonar
You die with the dawn.
FFreyja
He had a knife at my neck, I made no promises, I said I'd try! Now leave me alone, I have a horrible headache!
CCrow
We all do, trust us.
TTyor
[as Tyor begins to untie Freyja] If I take you with me, what do I get?
FFreyja
[seductively] Anything.
SAServo [as Tyor]
Can I keep these cool rubber snakes?
TTyor
That's what I was afraid of.
[music cue]
JAJonah [as Tyor]
The band is illustrating my sexual confusion.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.