KDr. Krupp
[continues to boast about his "human robot"] With its shining pension, no human being on this earth can oppose me!
Wait, a human robot? There's a flaw right there.
S1The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (movie)
CCrow
[while Popoca tears apart Krupp's robot with relative ease] I looked up "anticlimax" in the dictionary; it said "See 'Aztec Mummy'."
S1Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 2 (short)
[as Cody is fighting off a henchman] Just give him a headbutt. Give him a headbutt! He's just wearing spandex on his head!
[as Cody beats up Retik] That's for Bryant Gumbel; that's for Gene Shalit; and that's for dressing up like Carmen Miranda! God, that was dumb!
CCrow
Those are all Bob Mackie creations, aren't they?
CCody
[as he and one of his fellow scientists are fleeing an approaching Moon Men tank, pointing towards a narrow cliff opening] Maybe we can dodge around those rocks and lose 'em.
Maybe you can use the ray gun. Y'know the big one that blows up things? Like Moon Cars, perhaps?
S1The Mad Monster (movie)
[Cameron is ranting out loud to himself after Petro's transformation]
Just a few moments ago, Petro was a man; a harmless good-natured man. Look at him now!
[as Cameron] Now Bingo is his name-oh!
CCrow
[of wolf-man Petro] Now he's his own best friend!
[as Cameron hallucinates his old academic colleagues berating his werewolf experiments]
PProfessor
There are institutions for madmen-
[as Professor] Like the Pentagon!
PProfessor
-And we'll see to it you're confined in one!
[as the visions vanish] You would think since that was his imagination, he'd at least have them be afraid of him.
We shall see, gentlemen; we shall see...
Next comes the Ghost of Christmas Present.
[of the farmer's superstituous mother/mother-in-law] She's stoned; Whistler's Mother is stoned.
At least Popeye got that operation he always wanted.
[Petro as a wolfman flees back into the swamp after killing the farmer's young daughter]
CCrow
I've seen better dog acts on the old Sullivan show.
[to Prof. Fitzgerald] I could give you an injection that would grant you the strength of ten men.
CCrow
[as Cameron] ...And their hair.
Or- following the line of evolution- how about a pair of donkey's ears? Ha! Something more fitting your level of intelligence!
[sarcastically] Oh, nice quip; really tagged 'em there.
PFProf. Fitzgerald
[towards Dr. Cameron] I do not care to be ridiculed by a charlatan!
[as Fitzgerald] Or you!
LLenore
[confides to her father Cameron about her concerns over their house] There's something here that's evil. It's real and I can feel it; and I'm afraid!
[as Lenore] It makes me want to sing!
OOfficer
[towards reporter Tom, as they observe the recently murdered Professor Blaine] This should make a gory enough story for your paper.
It's more than just a story to me; [Cameron] was my friend.
[as Tom] It would make a great story. Maybe even a movie- with a sequel!
[Lenore and Tom are discussing what could've happened to a wounded Prof. Fitzgerald]
LLenore
Fitzgerald was driving Petro into town with him. Surely you don't think-
I don't know what to think!
[as Tom] And stop calling me Shirley!
PPetro
[snapped out of a trance towards Lenore by Dr. Cameron] I don't know what's come over me; I must have a touch of Swamp Fever.
That's very likely. Now off to bed; I'll get something for it.
I had a Marsh Rash once.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.