Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 1
“The Mad Monster (movie)” · Season 1
In this episode: Tom Servo (10), Joel Robinson (6), Cameron (5), Crow T. Robot (4)
[Cameron is ranting out loud to himself after Petro's transformation]
Just a few moments ago, Petro was a man; a harmless good-natured man. Look at him now!
[as Cameron] Now Bingo is his name-oh!
[of wolf-man Petro] Now he's his own best friend!
[as Cameron hallucinates his old academic colleagues berating his werewolf experiments]
There are institutions for madmen-
[as Professor] Like the Pentagon!
-And we'll see to it you're confined in one!
[as the visions vanish] You would think since that was his imagination, he'd at least have them be afraid of him.
We shall see, gentlemen; we shall see...
Next comes the Ghost of Christmas Present.
[of the farmer's superstituous mother/mother-in-law] She's stoned; Whistler's Mother is stoned.
At least Popeye got that operation he always wanted.
[Petro as a wolfman flees back into the swamp after killing the farmer's young daughter]
I've seen better dog acts on the old Sullivan show.
[to Prof. Fitzgerald] I could give you an injection that would grant you the strength of ten men.
[as Cameron] ...And their hair.
Or- following the line of evolution- how about a pair of donkey's ears? Ha! Something more fitting your level of intelligence!
[sarcastically] Oh, nice quip; really tagged 'em there.
[towards Dr. Cameron] I do not care to be ridiculed by a charlatan!
[as Fitzgerald] Or you!
[confides to her father Cameron about her concerns over their house] There's something here that's evil. It's real and I can feel it; and I'm afraid!
[as Lenore] It makes me want to sing!
[towards reporter Tom, as they observe the recently murdered Professor Blaine] This should make a gory enough story for your paper.
It's more than just a story to me; [Cameron] was my friend.
[as Tom] It would make a great story. Maybe even a movie- with a sequel!
[Lenore and Tom are discussing what could've happened to a wounded Prof. Fitzgerald]
Fitzgerald was driving Petro into town with him. Surely you don't think-
I don't know what to think!
[as Tom] And stop calling me Shirley!
[snapped out of a trance towards Lenore by Dr. Cameron] I don't know what's come over me; I must have a touch of Swamp Fever.
That's very likely. Now off to bed; I'll get something for it.
I had a Marsh Rash once.
Crow and Servo: [with their heads swapped, whilst speaking in unison] Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
You like long walks in the rain?
Chinese food?
Mushing up your ice cream?
Crow and Servo: [in unison] Oh, yes! We love us! Our collective brains are more powerful than Joel's! There is nothing that can stand in our way. We have seen the future and it is us; massage us into your scalp! We are all one; all powerful... YES! We are Servo Crow-ation, and we shall rule the wor- [Joel shuts them both off]
[in bemusement] My robots; I think I'll keep 'em- turned off.
[Petro decides to turn against Cameron in the climax]
[in terror] Petro; stay back!
[as Petro steps forward to strangle Cameron] I'll show you how the choke chain feels!
And it don't feel good.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
