[A sailor sends a message back to England by Morse code.]
CACrow [as sailor]
Am in Ireland, send real food.
S9Gorgo
JJoe
Put a guard on that thing, 24/7. And give him a rifle.
Don’t give the monster a rifle!
S9The Final Sacrifice
[On the SOL, Gypsy turned off the power for maintenance. The Bots have looted the SOL]
CCrow
If it goes out again, I'm grabbing my blender.
[The film is credited as "A Tjardus Greidanus Film".]
I understand everything up to the word "A".
CCrow
He comes from a long line of great anuses.
. . .
CCrow
That's an anagram for "direct to video!"
[On the name Bharbara Egan.]
CCrow
That's an illegal use of a silent consonant!
You know what this has? The bacony smell of Canada all over it.
[A card after the prologue and credits reads "Seven Years Later".]
Seven years after the credits?
[confused] I guess.
[A figure leisurely lopes through a graveyard.]
CACrow [as figure]
Well, I better get back to my grave; sun's been up an hour, I'm startin' to disintegrate.
. . .
Heh... you know, people are just dying to--
[sharply] No.
...Sorry.
. . .
[Troy visits his father's grave.]
TTroy
[voiceover] Hello, Dad. It's been a long time. And I miss you. I want to know what happened to you.
MAMike [as Troy's Father]
I died.
[Troy enters his attic.]
Oh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
CACrow [as Troy]
This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
MAMike [as Troy]
I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
SAServo [as Troy]
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
CACrow [as Troy]
Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
Larry Czonka!
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
SAServo [as Troy]
Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
CACrow [as Troy]
I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.
[One of Satoris' henchmen cuts through Troy's front door with a chainsaw.]
It's open!
. . .
CACrow [as henchman]
Can I interest you in a replacement door?
[After his henchmen invade Troy's home, evil, deep-voiced Satoris strolls in.]
Canadian villain Garth Vader. [N]
[Troy outruns the cultists' van on his bike.]
MAMike [as Cultist]
Damn you, Pee-Wee!
[Over several establishing shots of the run-down part of town, the sound of a car engine trying and failing to turn over is heard.]
CCrow
Uh-oh, the town's alternator is shot.
What's your name, laddy?
TTroy
Troy MacGregor.
I'm Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower.
CCrow
Yeah, well I'm Bill Shtinkwater!
[Rowsdower's truck starts up.]
Rowsdowermobile, away!
And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!
[The film keeps cutting between Rowsdower's broken-down pickup, a poorly-repainted Gran Torino, and a stolen ten-speed bike.]
CCrow
[frustrated] I'm losing track of the crappy vehicles here!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.