[Title of short appears]
Your last clear chance... for fantastic savings!
“Radar Secret Service” · Season 5
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (8), Tom Servo (6), Patrolman (6), Mike Nelson (4), TV's Frank (1)
[As woman walks away from car]
CCrow
Forty percent of car accidents are caused by... women's hinders!
[A car approaches a railroad crossing sign at night, adorned with the typical "RR" symbol.]
[growling] Rrrrr.
. . .
If you haven't seen the signs...
Boy, you haven't lived.
...then this train might come as a surprise to you.
The Sooooooooooooul Train!
CACrow [as Don Cornelius]
Thank you very much, Clarissa...
CCrow
[As patrolman] I'd tuck you in, but you're dead.
Every day, these are your signs of life, whose purpose is to keep you alive.
CCrow
Even though you don't deserve it.
They figure rules are for the other guy, not for good drivers like themselves.
SAServo [as patrolman]
They're communists!
[Close-up of woman driving, having difficulty with a map]
Here's another problem on the roads that we officers face all too often...
Women drivers! [everyone chuckles condecsendingly]
People who have survived a train crash usually say...
AAAAAH!
[Mike and Crow look at Servo strangely.]
That's what they say.
[Frank arrives at the farm and sees Patrolman Hal]
[Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
CACrow [as patrolman]
Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
CCrow
I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines!
EEngineer
Why don't they look, Ralph? Tell me, why don't they look?
TATom [as Ralph]
You're deep, Ernie.
So, if the next car I stop happens to be yours...
MAMike [as patrolman]
Save a place for me at your dinner table!
...DON'T tell me that you were speeding a little, only BREAKING the law a little...
...uh-oh...
...only doing something a little bit wrong, save THAT for somebody else, brother!
CCrow
OH, MY GOD, HE'S SNAPPED!
Because I've seen too many "litte bit" follies...
He's a bad cop on the loose!
...and they end up a little bit DEAD!
Now I'm gonna grab me a little bit of lunch!
Radar Secret Service (movie)
[As title of movie appears on screen]
CCrow
Gary Burghoff goes undercover!
That would explain his career for the last 10 years.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.