Narrator quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

...and this is a good place to point out a few facts about eggs.

Stop throwing them at my car!

But it's your pocketbook that profits most when you send this bird to market.

We bring you now to market.

Alright, come on, sing, sing! Row, row, row-- you're not singing!

Hundreds of live chickens can be speeded on their way to the dressing plant.

Dressing plant? Sounds like fun.

Servo

I want a new hat.

One truck can handle thousands of eggs and take them anywhere there to market.

Mike

Even to the Texaco station.

After the chicks are two or three weeks old, they can be allowed out of doors if the weather's good.

And if they've completed their lessons.

When you've got as many birds to look after as this hatchery, you're pretty receptive to labor-saving devices. And this carrier system is one of the best. It runs the length of the building, and is used to carry feed to the different pens. It can be used also for gathering up manure. Saves a lot of back-breaking work.

Hey, pal, feed me, then clean up my poops!

For every action...

There is a Jackson.

Another radar fence stretches across the long, unfortified border between the United States and Canada...

Canada, our mortal enemy.

... the Pine Tree Radar Fence.

The natural radar of pine trees protects our northern borders.

Many years ago, terror stalked the land, making life harsh, unfair, and treacherous.

Jimmy Carter was in office.

Forward progress is made with a snake-like slither and a vigorous thrashing of the tail.

...like Courtney Love.

She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.

(chuckles maniacly)

Joel

Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.

It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!

Joel

It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!

Servo

Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.

...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.

How do Pop-Tarts work?

What are you doing to major in, Helen?

What are you going to take, Jean?

I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.

Because I can't do.

Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.

Servo

And to re-enact the last scene from Anna Karenina.

What's the matter?

THERE'S A RABBIT IN THERE!

The women of this family seem to feel that they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested, and attractive at dinnertime.

So they're unsuspecting when they kill them.

Brother notices the time, and realizes that he must put things in order, and clean himself up in time for dinner.

He's got to strip and replace the oil in his hair with summer-weight.