Narrator quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

After all these years, whether the chicken or the egg came first is still the subject of a lot of good-natured debate.

Servo

[chuckling] No, it isn't.

And one large and small farms everywhere, the search for a better chicken goes on.

Servo

There it is! No wait, there!

If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!

Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.

[muffled] I'm in the incubator now...

The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.

And this fellow.

This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.

Servo

And one bathroom for all of them.

Mike

This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!

Servo

Mork calling Orson...

Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!

Servo

That is one bloodshot eye.

Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.

[singing] How dry I am-- [hiccups]

And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.

Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.

[singing] Come on down and meet everybod-- Oh, sorry.

Mike

I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.

Servo

Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?

Oh, what did I do last night?

Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.

Servo

Yeah, for pervs!

Whoa, Milton Berle there...

But wait a minute, you may be saying...

Why am I watching this?

Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?

Servo

You bet!

Indeed they can!

Servo

[surprised] ...Heh, I was right!

Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.

I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!

Their immediate destination after leaving the incubator...

Broadway!

...is the brooder house.

Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

From now on, their main job in life is to eat and grow.

Servo

[singing] Eat and grow forever...

After the first few days, the paper can be removed.

Except for the sports section.

The range shelter should be very small, not holding more than a hundred birds.

Or migrant workers.

The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.

RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!

You know how chickens are.

Servo

Yeah, they own everything.

Remember the old henhouse?

Servo

The one with the rats?

It's now a hotel... a pullet hotel.

Mike

Rooms by the hour.

A hen that lays 210 eggs a year and eats 70 pounds of feed is giving you 3 eggs for every pound you feed her.

She will live.

Keep that one.

She's worth millions.

But if she eats 70 pounds of feed and lays only 70 eggs a year, you better send her to the market or to your dinner table.

Servo

Or put a warning slip on her desk.