[Over the short's title screen.]
CCrow
The Bill Clinton Story!
The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!
“The Brute Man” · Season 7
In this episode: Tom Servo (28), Crow T. Robot (25), Mike Nelson (24), Narrator (18)
[Over a dedication in the opening credits]
CCrow
Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
After all these years, whether the chicken or the egg came first is still the subject of a lot of good-natured debate.
[chuckling] No, it isn't.
[A flock of chickens is hastily gathered around a feeding trough. One of them is actually standing in the trough.]
SAServo [as chicken]
Betty, must you sit in dinner?
And one large and small farms everywhere, the search for a better chicken goes on.
There it is! No wait, there!
[As we begin to see what happens at the chicken farm]
MAMike [as Narrator]
If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!
Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
MAMike [as Narrator]
[muffled] I'm in the incubator now...
[A worker is placing eggs inside a tray.]
MAMike [as egg]
Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
SAServo [as egg]
No, stay in there.
MAMike [as egg]
Oh, come on. Can I go home?
SAServo [as egg]
No, the door's locked!
. . .
CCrow
I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
[A worker puts trays inside the incubator.]
The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
CACrow [as Narrator]
And this fellow.
. . .
This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
And one bathroom for all of them.
[Watching footage of a baby chicken forming and hatching.]
This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!
. . .
Mork calling Orson...
CACrow [as baby chick]
Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!
. . .
That is one bloodshot eye.
. . .
CCrow
Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.
. . .
CCrow
[singing] How dry I am-- [hiccups]
. . .
And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.
. . .
CCrow
[singing] Come on down and meet everybod-- Oh, sorry.
. . .
I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.
. . .
Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?
. . .
CACrow [as baby chick]
Oh, what did I do last night?
SAServo [as baby chick]
Hey guys, it's God!
Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.
Yeah, for pervs!
[A farmer inspects one of the chicks]
CACrow [as farmer]
Whoa, Milton Berle there...
[A worker is sorting out baby chicks.]
CACrow [as worker]
Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
MAMike [as baby chick]
It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
SAServo [as baby chick]
Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
But wait a minute, you may be saying...
CACrow [as Narrator]
Why am I watching this?
Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?
You bet!
Indeed they can!
[surprised] ...Heh, I was right!
[The truck carrying baby chicks is driving very slowly.]
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
CACrow [as Narrator]
I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
[As the truck drives as the scene fades.]
That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!
[the next scene fades in]
CCrow
Chickens!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.