Joel Robinson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Eight seconds.

Yup, I'm hot. That's me pretty much.

Yes, the Junior Rodeo is here to stay. And nobody's happier about it than Old Timer Billy Slater.

Joel

It's sad, really.

Servo

[singing to the tune of Home on the Range] ...And the guys are not clowning all dayyyeeeeEEEEE!!!

What did I get?

Oh, Gypsy, you didn't get anything; Joel forgot he even had a robot named Gypsy!

Servo

[angrily] Quiet, Crow! You want to ruin Present Day by being naughty?!

[later on] What did I get? Me next!

Joel

I saved the best for last- I got you... dress slacks from J.C. Penney.

[dumbfounded] ...Oh.

Joel

Oh, come on, it's a great gift; you can wear it for dressy or casual... I'm gonna have to get you a nice polo top though...

[crestfallen as the other Bots laugh at him] Thank you for the pants...

Joel

He's wandered into a Mr. Bulky's.

Let's see now... licorice whips, jujubes, slowpokes, Lon Chaney Junior Mints...

[as Magic Voice] Commercial sign! Commercial sign; pretty soon!

[as Gypsy] Loading Richard Basehart remark. Richard Basehart remark in 5, 4, 3... Richard Basehart now.

Joel

Okay; I think I get it now.

Servo

[as Crow] No, you don't; you've gone crazy!

[as Servo] I think you're insane, Joel!

Servo

Joel, what are you doing?

Joel

I'm doing an experiment.

Oh; I thought someone replaced the monitor with a Jack-o-lantern!

Joel

Oh, bite me; it's for- [Crow and Servo do just that] -Ow!

What? You said, "bite me".

Servo

We seem to be in some sort of Limbo zone.

Rush Limbaugh?

Joel

No, that would be more like Hell.

Joel

[reading fan letter, a child's crayon scribble on graph paper] Cambot, put this up on stillstore, there's no print, but it's a really good drawing of me, and, Crow, and... Servo... on the bridge...?

[matter-of-factly] It's really not that good!

Joel

Come with me, mister! [grabs Crow by the net and drags him offscreen]

AAAAAAGH!

Joel

What do you think, sirs?

I'm a scientist; I don't think, I observe.

See me, feel me, touch me!

Oh great, You've triggered a Freak Out in Frank.

Joel

What keeps our legs all warm and hot?

Pants!

What prevents a buffalo shot?

Pants!

Tom

What do they got that I ain't got?

Tom

Well, you can say that again... Huh?

Joel

This film has aged me...

I know how she feels.

Joel

Lighten up, they're just puppets!

Hey...

Joel

Sorry.

Hey, stop fighting! Everybody stop fighting!

Joel

[trying to hide his amusement] Um, it's...it's okay, Gypsy. It's just a movie.

[catching herself] Oh?...Oh! Sorry, sorry...

Hey, get this, they're steam cleaning the horses!

Joel

[impressed] All right, Gypsy! Good one!

[during a scene where Androcles speaks with Hercules and his Council in Thebes; to Joel and the others] Hey, you guys; I just remembered, I have a million things to do.

Joel

Gypsy, you can't leave! You were the one that wanted to sit through the whole experiment!

[uneasy] That was before... I knew... and then there were these things, and now I have to go do them.

Well, Gypsy, if you can't stand the heat-

Joel

That's okay, Gypsy, run along; it's really fine. [Gypsy leaves the theater as the film continues; aside to the bots] She did her best. I don't want you guys making fun of-

[shushes Joel] Watch the movie, Joel!