Mike Nelson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[Phantom is hiding behind the door as Prince of Space bursts in; Phantom quietly exits.]

Mike

The easily-bamboozled Prince of Space.

[During a driving scene]

Mike

Nude driving: a new fad among the teens.

[Young beachgoers perform the "Zombie Stomp" dance]

Mike

I'm starting to agree with the Taliban militia: dancing should not be allowed.

Chances are

That I'll kick your scrawny ass...

. . .

[Eventually, the gang leader relents and offers Hank his hand]

[The Great Vorelli is seducing a woman in direct line of sight of his dummy]

[The Neptune Men approach Earth]

Mike

Shoot at Earth all you want, just get Bill Maher.

[The Neptune Men endlessly strafe Tokyo]

Mike

I never thought I'd say it, but suddenly Independence Day seems a richly-nuanced movie.

[In the opening credits the movie's editors are listed one by one]

Mike

Passed from editor to editor in a desperate attempt to save it!

[Raiders attack the shuttlecraft, in scenes lifted from 1978's "Battlestar Galactica"]

Mike

Special effects by Industrial Light and Morons.

[Kalgan drives into shot in a vehicle marked "ENFORCER"]

[Dave Ryder shakes hands with Lea's father, Cmdr. Jansen]

Mike

We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese.

[Ryder heroically heads off to face Kalgan.]

Mike

There goes a big, brave brick of meat.

[We see Nick ride his bike through a small town]

[Nick rides to Martin's Supermarket]

Mike

Come to Martin's. WHATUP?!?

[In the dystopian future, an eyepatch-wearing armed survivor leaps atop a smashed car for a better shooting angle]