[The title San Francisco International appears on-screen.]
Mike[singing] San Francisco International Airport! Where the big b-actors roar!
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
Lines by Mike Nelson 207
MikeMikeSo convenient to have a Hostage Inn right near the airport.
[An man with a gun, disguised as a priest, appears onscreen]
MikeThere's a New Testament in town!
[The screen shows: "Are You Ready for Marriage?"]
MikeUm… yeah, I'm sick of sex, anyway.
[A crippled Ilya sits at the window, gazing at Vilya]
MAMike [as Ilya]
Man, she's a fox.
[In an ethereal office space, devilish Red and angelic Whitey make a wager on Joe, a bread salesman.]
MikeThey're operating under a different theology.
[Whitey is talking to Bill Dudley, but music covers what she's saying.]
MAMike [as Whitey]
So then Mabel said to me "well, why'd you wear those earrings?" and then we went to Nine West but we couldn't find anything we wanted cause I have really wide feet, but sometimes I can find stuff at Payless, anyhoo, Cindy told me that Victoria's Secret was just around the corner, and she said that they're having a sale, and she knows I'm really broke right now, so I confronted her, and, well...
[The movie opens with a close-up of Marv speaking to someone off-screen.]
MikeHe has a haunting ugliness.
[Over the opening title]
MikeThe Potsie story.
[While "Cherokee Jack" flies over some snow covered mountains...]
MikeHey, I see some soccer players down there...
[Griffin (played by Coleman Francis) and the rest of the Cuban invasion force are captured by Castro's forces.]
MAMike [as Cuban Soldier]
The Yankees will pay highly for you, Señor Francis.
[The antiheroes make some purchases at a seedy-looking mom-and-pop store while some inappropriately cheerful music plays on the soundtrack.]
MAMike [as Store Clerk]
Would you like a video? We have some ultraviolent Japanese porn cartoons!
[Over a shot of a group of men walking down a hallway]
MikeThey really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.
[Closing shot of Franklin's image on a half-dollar]
MikeBenjamin Franklin was tried in the Eighth circuit court on stalking charges; in a minute, the results of that trial. [N]
Progress Island USA (short)
[Over quick shots]
MikeWith this, and this, and that!
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