[Our heroes discuss the film's title.]
Oh, I'm glad they said "Danger!", or I might have thought it was just a normal death ray.
There's a dangerous death ray situation on outbound 94, you might want to take an alternate route.
“Danger!! Death Ray” · Season 6
In this episode: Mike Nelson (9), Crow T. Robot (8), Tom Servo (8)
CCrow
What country is this taking place in?
Europe.
[Over a shot of a group of men walking down a hallway]
They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.
[Over a shot of man watching security cameras in a control booth]
CCrow
(in a snooty British accent) You're watching Brian Television: All Brian, all the time.
[On the rightmost monitor, we see the group of men walking into vision]
In an underground bunker, the Major League owners plot strategies.
SAServo [as watcher]
Why can't I get the Red Shoe Diaries?
[We cut to an obvious toy submarine surfacing within a pool of water.]
The Tidy Bowl Man is doing all right for himself.
They're coming up for more baking soda.
[Crow begins snickering.]
Ah, the ocean's beautiful in this part of the tub.
[Crow snickers again.]
This set is at least three box tops.
CCrow
[recovering his composure] Special effects by... Billy!
. . .
[The radar operator climbs a ladder toward a hatch.]
Don't go up there! You'll become a toy!
. . .
[The men from the helicopter have climbed down into the submarine.]
SSub Captain
Okay. We can dive.
SAServo [as Captain]
Billy's out of the tub. We can dive now.
CACrow [as Captain]
Head towards the drain.
[Shot in slow motion, the sub pulls away and the toy helicopter "falls" off into the water.]
Das Toy Boat!
SAServo [as Captain]
Uhp, did somebody tie on the helicopter?
CCrow
Oop! Eh... This must be a massive organization to be able to throw away a $1.50 helicopter.
[Bart Fargo attacks one of the evil henchmen and grabs him by the throat.]
BFBart Fargo
You're the one who knows everything...
MAMike [as Fargo]
Who's God?
[A couple of henchmen burst into Lucille's apartment looking for Bart Fargo.]
HHenchman
We're looking for a man.
MAMike [as Henchman]
Are you him?
LLucille
My word, so am I! Let me know if you find an extra one.
SAServo [as Henchman]
I think you know what I meant!
[Bart Fargo foils an assassination attempt by Scarface, who was disguised as a concierge.]
BFBart Fargo
You know, Scarface, that was a very silly get-up. It didn't suit you. And your imitation of a waiter was very funny. "Your breakfast, señor..." You should have changed your voice too.
[Bart opens a balcony window and chuckles. Scarface lunges at Bart, but misses and dives out the window, screaming.]
Olé!
[Crow giggles.]
MAMike [as Bart]
And the way you dove out the window was just terrible!
[Scarface lands on the pavement with a thump.]
SAServo [as Bart]
Ooh, sorry, ma'am.
BFBart Fargo
That's too bad.
CCrow
Oh, come on! What about "he really fell for me"? Or "his hopes have been crushed"?
[Bart Fargo's car skids off the road, over a cliff, and into the sea; however, the effect is clearly achieved by someone simply rolling a toy car off a rock into the water.]
Hot Wheels!
CCrow
Some little boy is going to be very upset.
[Bart Fargo repeatedly slaps an assassin in the face.]
SAServo [as Assassin/Mulwray]
My sister! My daughter! My sister! My daughter!
[A baccarat game is in progress.]
CCroupier
Mesdames et Messieurs, banque $10,000.
CACrow [as Player]
It'd better be a damn good bonk.
[After Bart Fargo's partner is gunned down, the movie's catchy, upbeat "Ba-pa-da-pa-da-da" theme music starts up again.]
This isn't appropriate right now, his friend is dying over there!
[beat]
But it's nice.
It is nice, yeah.
[Crow laughs.]
CCrow
Bart Fargo IS... Hard to-- watch.
CCrow
Bart Fargo. Bartfargobartfargobartfargobartfargo... Heh, that's hard!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.