A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
Would you like some coffee?
Coffee?
What is this "coffee"?
[stiltedly] I like coffee!
Well, good!
MikeAnd thus we peer into the complex inner workings of this character.
. . .
[Beth and Joe walk across the airfield]
Where is it, your "coffee"?
[Harry pulls his hugely coiffed wife Beth out of the malfunctioning plane.]
What happened?
I saw my hair in the mirror and I panicked!
[Beth looks on as Harry [played by Tony Cardoza] straps on a parachute in what appears to be the middle of a desert field.]
Uh, I think you'll need the plane, too, Tony.
Bob, you ready?
[off-camera] Sure, Harry!
[Cut to a parachuted man making his way out from the back of a deep hangar.]
Wait! He- he- he was there, and now we g-- the plane was--!
Mike[sputters unintelligibly]
Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this film.
. . .
[A helmeted Harry climbs into the unmarked, unnumbered white plane.]
What's the point of a helmet in skydiving? In case you land on your head?
MikeGeneric Plane. Cheaper than other planes.
. . .
[Poofy-haired Beth watches Harry take off.]
Honey, even if a hairstyle is "in," it may not be the right one for you...
[Harry carries Suzy, wearing a hooded white beach robe and opaque sunglasses, from her boat to her boat-like convertible.]
MikeEnjoy this tribute to white, white bodies.
. . .
I need to get out of the sun to maintain my fishbelly-white complexion.
Will I see you tomorrow?
Uh, you have to ask the editor.
[monotone] No... not tomorrow.
I have a headache... tomorrow.
[Inside a rather dark room, Beth lights a candle on a small dinner table.]
Ah, she's setting up for a séance.
They're going to invoke the spirit of the continuity man.
. . .
Dinner isn't white enough, honey.
And Frankie, if I ever catch you around here again, I'll break both your legs.
What if I don't bring 'em with me?
I feel real free in that wild blue sky.
Cops can't touch me up there.
...Feels good, making like a bird, floating around up there.
Poopin' on people.
Well, Frankie, are you chicken?
Uh, let me see... am I a chicken? Well I don't have a comb, or a gizzard, but sometimes I do ingest gravel to grind my food and my--uh...
[Joe, in his energy-less delivery, says goodbye to the widowed Beth.]
A stranger comes to town, touches nobody's life, and leaves.
. . .
Now I can do what I really want to! Which is, uh... I'm not sure. Heh. What color is my parachute?
[Judy is shoveling bacon into her mouth.]
Mmmm . . . I just love bacon so crisp and crunchy like this.
MikeYeah, evidently.
Honey, stop wolfing your food! No one's going to take it away from you.
Sorry, sweetie, but it's really your fault. You shouldn't make them so good.
Whatever happened to my pet Vietnamese potbellied pig?
[Judy primps in front of a mirror.]
There. Now I look like Mom.
Thank goodness for my electric dress!
[Alex plugs in Judy's mixer.]
There we are.
God, you're dumb.
[Over the closing credits]
This film was brought to you by the Nerd Council. Support your local nerd!
MikeAnd a generous grant from the Mom Corporation. The incredible power of Mom.
The Violent Years (movie)
[Several spinning newspaper headlines are shown after the male rape scene. Everybody starts making up headlines]
Refuses to Press Charges!
Says: "ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!"
MikeHundreds of Men Flock to Crime Scene!
Some people think that newspapers exaggerate juvenile crime...
MikeWe don't! Can we go?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
