Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241
[Santa winds his reindeer (which are all apparently wind up toys) and they begin to move.]
ServoThis isn't charming at all! It's creepy!
[Santa begins to laugh as he watches the reindeer]
Oh, when Santa laughs, the whole world shakes its head.
[The reindeer begins to laugh in a very unnatural way]
SMServo, Mike, and Crow
He, he haha, hahaha, [laughing turns into terrified screams] AHHHHH! AAHHHHHH!!!
[Santa is still laughing]
[scared] What's happening?!
[Scene cuts to a shot of the wall behind the sleigh and there is a pentagram-like symbol on the wall.]
Servo
A pentagram, and reindeer laughing... you figure it out.
[as Santa's sleigh is flying in the sky] I wonder where Santa will go first? Europe? Africa? America?
Servo
Circle Pines?
[The camera is zoomed in on a telephone ringing.]
MAMike [as an answering machine]
This is Jim Rockford, leave a message and I'll get back to ya.
Jimmy, it's Angel, I'm in real bad trouble!
Servo
[starts performing The Rockford Files theme]
[at Jane's arraignment]
Every word I told the judge was the truth, mama.
I didn't know what Terry and those boys were gonna do!
JSJane's Mother
You were out with those hoodlums. No decent girl would be seen with them.
JSJane's Father
Why Jane? You said you were going to the movies. You didn't say anything about being with boys you didn't even know.
MAMike [as Jane's father]
You're a slutty gun moll.
Dad, all I did was go out on a date!
I didn't know what I was getting into! She came to work and asked if I wanted to meet a nice boy!
JSJane's Mother
"Nice boy..." a thief.
Mr. and Mrs. Bridge read her the Riot Act.
JSJane's Mother
... and you'd been drinking!
I wouldn't have been with him if you hadn't picked an argument with me last night!
JSJane's Mother
You sinned, and you'll pay for your crime, Jane.
CACrow [as Jane's mother]
I'll be there, front row, at your hanging!
MAMike [as Jane's father]
I'm afraid you're going down, kitten. Hard.
SAServo [as Jane]
Uh... aren't you?
JSJane's Mother
I don't know how your father will ever face his business friends again.
Well, let's ask him. He's right here.
Servo
Dad?
This is just like dinner at home.
[as Terry and Jane and broken out of the prison transport by Mike]
TTerry
Get moving, Big-Eyes.
SAServo [as Jane]
Okay, fatass.
[The credits show "Based on The Food of the Gods by H. G. Wells".]
"Based on"? Yeah, in that they're both in English!
It could be based on Profiles in Courage!
Servo
Oh, by Theodore Sorensen?
[Genius pours beaker contents, resulting in an explosion of red goop which splatters on his face.]
Servo
He blew his hand off!
CACrow [as Magnus Pyke]
I blinded me with science!
[Over a seemingly endless sequence of the giant bikini-clad teens dancing in slow-motion]
You know, I'm starting to suspect this might be padding.
Servo
Oh, no, no...
Hey, y'know, Ron must've gotten directing tips from Bert I.
Servo
That's why he made Willow.
[as Genius figures out a formula to bring the giants back to their normal size]
GGenius
Wolf, I have some quite astounding news for you...
Servo
Yeah, Willow sucked!
Hey, now that was gratuitous.
[as the teens find themselves back by their wrecked car after being chased out of town]
FFred
Well, we got a long, long, long walk.
OVOffscreen voice
Uh, beg your pardon. Are you people coming from Hainesville?
CACrow [as the voice]
Uh, you can call me Ray, or you can call me Ray.
FFred
Yes, we're coming from Hainesville.
OVOffscreen voice
Is that the place where they have the Goo?
FFred
Yes, that's the place where they have the Goo.
OVOffscreen voice
Thank you so much.
[a line of short people is seen walking by the teens towards Hainesville]
Servo
Ha. One last offensive thing to leave you with, folks.
The shamed cast of Terror of Tiny Town meets the shamed cast of Village of the Giants.
[the ending title card appears]
Servo
Ah, so... that's it?! Wasn't much of a payoff! We waited all this time for THAT?! [the ending credits begin to play with the all-too-familiar footage of the giant teens dancing] NO!!!
MCMike, Crow, and Servo
No, no, no!
Coming back to this is like getting your face smashed into a giant turkey.
Or maybe this is what it would feel like if you had rubber bands around your eyeballs.
Servo
No, it's like wearing William Conrad's underpants with a balaclava!
[the crew gags]
It's like a lingering kiss with your bearded aunt!
It's like waking up, rolling over, and seeing Jim Varney! AHHH!!! [runs out of the theater]
Servo
It's like being trapped inside your own gym bag!
It's like being trapped inside Jim Begg!
[In her dream, the woman emerges from behind a pillar, prancing in a sporty blouse and short skirt, waving a tennis racket.]
Aaah! It's a salute to Mr. B Natural!
Servo
Oh, no, no, no!
[She dances back to the pillar, then emerges in tartan trousers, energetically twirling a golf club.]
This would be the "up" part of her manic mood swings, I'm guessing.
Servo
Man, it is gonna take her forever to write this dream down.
[She goes behind the pillar again and emerges this time in a pink bathing suit and straw sun hat.]
. . .
I wonder what Freud would make of that sun hat!
Well, sometimes a sun hat is just a sun hat.
[The woman removes a birthday cake from a futuristic oven.]
Servo
Uh-uh. Candles and everything...
Happy Birthday, Wanda June.
[Now in a gown, the woman is lifted to a stage before a crowd below.]
NANarrator [as Announcer]
And now, a glamorous dancer and a special number: "Dance of Tomorrow"!
CACrow [as Announcer]
Chorus Line 2: The Wrath of Chaka Khan!
. . .
WWoman
Everyone says the future is strange, but I have a feeling some things won't change.
[The crowd claps along, but to a slower beat.]
SCServo, Crow [as Crowd]
Give us Cyd Charisse!
While she's dancing, the Japanese are making great cars.
SAServo [as Announcer]
Cindy Williams is Twyla Tharp as Isadora Duncan in The Meredith Monk Story: A One-Woman Show!
MAMike [as Announcer]
Co-starring Tom Bosley.
CACrow [as Announcer]
As Bosley.
[The narrator introduces fashion models posing next to the Dream Cars Of Tomorrow. Each car is shown between shots of fireworks.]
SAServo [as Announcer]
With Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows...
Bonnie and Clyde's death car!
. . .
SAServo [as Announcer]
With Art Carney and Joyce Randolph...
. . .
MAMike [as Narrator]
Pregnant woman and schnauzer optional.
Entire production supervised by Jackie Gleason.
. . .
Servo
The "Closed Three Plants" car.
Executive producer, Jack Philbin.
The Schick electric razor car!
. . .
Costume by Emilio of Capri!
MAMike [as Narrator]
Unfettered avarice by Madison Avenue!
SAServo [as Announcer]
...in The Honeymooners!
[A broad-grilled car is shown next.]
CACrow [as the cars "expression"]
GRRR! RRRRrrrR!
. . .
MAMike [as Narrator]
Clown suit by Bargain Clown of Hollywood.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
