[The credits show "Based on The Food of the Gods by H. G. Wells".]
CCrow
"Based on"? Yeah, in that they're both in English!
It could be based on Profiles in Courage!
Oh, by Theodore Sorensen?
“Village of the Giants” · Season 5
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (11), Mike Nelson (8), Tom Servo (6)
[Genius pours beaker contents, resulting in an explosion of red goop which splatters on his face.]
He blew his hand off!
CACrow [as Magnus Pyke]
I blinded me with science!
[Over a seemingly endless sequence of the giant bikini-clad teens dancing in slow-motion]
CCrow
You know, I'm starting to suspect this might be padding.
Oh, no, no...
No, that's real.
[Genius (played by a young Ron Howard) proudly shows off the mixture he's working on, then returns to the basement to perfect it.]
I hope that blows up in his face so I don't have to see Willow.
CCrow
Hey, I liked Willow!
[Genius mixes various chemicals, trying to create more "goo".]
Look at him, the little kid, plotting against us with Willow.
CCrow
[indignantly] I liked Willow!
Kevin Pollak? You liked that?
[A tarantula that's been exposed to the "goo" grows to a humongous size; it growls as it corners the film's stars.]
CCrow
Spiders don't growl, even that big.
I guess you can't really prove that when they're that big, they don't growl.
CCrow
[defensively] I liked Willow.
Hey, y'know, Ron must've gotten directing tips from Bert I.
That's why he made Willow.
CCrow
Hey, I liked Willow!
[The teens try to lasso the legs of the giant teens' leader, in a very poor special effect involving large mannequin legs.]
CCrow
Oh, come on! The effects in Willow were better than this!
Hey, you liked Willow!
CCrow
I-- huh?
[as one of the giant teens oversees a line of people surrendering their firearms]
CCrow
The NRA nightmare.
[as Genius figures out a formula to bring the giants back to their normal size]
GGenius
Wolf, I have some quite astounding news for you...
Yeah, Willow sucked!
CCrow
Hey, now that was gratuitous.
[as the teens find themselves back by their wrecked car after being chased out of town]
FFred
Well, we got a long, long, long walk.
OVOffscreen voice
Uh, beg your pardon. Are you people coming from Hainesville?
CACrow [as the voice]
Uh, you can call me Ray, or you can call me Ray.
FFred
Yes, we're coming from Hainesville.
OVOffscreen voice
Is that the place where they have the Goo?
FFred
Yes, that's the place where they have the Goo.
OVOffscreen voice
Thank you so much.
[a line of short people is seen walking by the teens towards Hainesville]
Ha. One last offensive thing to leave you with, folks.
The shamed cast of Terror of Tiny Town meets the shamed cast of Village of the Giants.
[the ending title card appears]
Ah, so... that's it?! Wasn't much of a payoff! We waited all this time for THAT?! [the ending credits begin to play with the all-too-familiar footage of the giant teens dancing] NO!!!
MCMike, Crow, and Servo
No, no, no!
Coming back to this is like getting your face smashed into a giant turkey.
CCrow
Or maybe this is what it would feel like if you had rubber bands around your eyeballs.
No, it's like wearing William Conrad's underpants with a balaclava!
[the crew gags]
It's like a lingering kiss with your bearded aunt!
CCrow
It's like waking up, rolling over, and seeing Jim Varney! AHHH!!! [runs out of the theater]
It's like being trapped inside your own gym bag!
It's like being trapped inside Jim Begg!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.