WWoman
[singing] I dreamed last night, the moon was so bright...
Aw, y'know, I hate it when people tell me about their dreams.
“12 to the Moon” · Season 5
In this episode: Mike Nelson (13), Crow T. Robot (11), Tom Servo (11), Narrator (2), Mystery Man (2)
[As the Mystery Man first appears...]
And Tommy Tune arrives!
[As the Dancing Woman arrives at Motorama...]
Right in the middle of the Steinman-Hopsburg wedding reception!
CCrow
You know, I had a near-death experience like this.
WWoman
I want a Corvette!
MAMike [as Mystery Man]
[singing] I don't give a tin sh...!
I thought you would!
CACrow [as Mystery Man]
That's why I entered your head!
WWoman
[singing] I want a Pontiac, too!
Man, she's a high-maintanence date!
[singing] This Buick's a beaut!
WWoman
[singing] I'll Try it!
CCrow
She's going to roll it!
[Mike and Tom Servo gasp]
Uh, Security to the showroom floor, please.
[In her dream, the woman emerges from behind a pillar, prancing in a sporty blouse and short skirt, waving a tennis racket.]
CCrow
Aaah! It's a salute to Mr. B Natural!
Oh, no, no, no!
[She dances back to the pillar, then emerges in tartan trousers, energetically twirling a golf club.]
This would be the "up" part of her manic mood swings, I'm guessing.
CCrow
Oh-ho-ho...
Man, it is gonna take her forever to write this dream down.
[She goes behind the pillar again and emerges this time in a pink bathing suit and straw sun hat.]
. . .
I wonder what Freud would make of that sun hat!
CCrow
Well, sometimes a sun hat is just a sun hat.
[The woman removes a birthday cake from a futuristic oven.]
WWoman
My cake is ready.
I call no way!
Uh-uh. Candles and everything...
CCrow
Happy Birthday, Wanda June.
[Now in a gown, the woman is lifted to a stage before a crowd below.]
NANarrator [as Announcer]
And now, a glamorous dancer and a special number: "Dance of Tomorrow"!
CACrow [as Announcer]
Chorus Line 2: The Wrath of Chaka Khan!
. . .
WWoman
Everyone says the future is strange, but I have a feeling some things won't change.
[The crowd claps along, but to a slower beat.]
SCServo, Crow [as Crowd]
Give us Cyd Charisse!
CCrow
While she's dancing, the Japanese are making great cars.
SAServo [as Announcer]
Cindy Williams is Twyla Tharp as Isadora Duncan in The Meredith Monk Story: A One-Woman Show!
MAMike [as Announcer]
Co-starring Tom Bosley.
CACrow [as Announcer]
As Bosley.
[The narrator introduces fashion models posing next to the Dream Cars Of Tomorrow. Each car is shown between shots of fireworks.]
SAServo [as Announcer]
With Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows...
CCrow
Bonnie and Clyde's death car!
. . .
SAServo [as Announcer]
With Art Carney and Joyce Randolph...
CCrow
Fonzie's death car.
MAMike [as Fonzie]
Ay.
. . .
MAMike [as Narrator]
Pregnant woman and schnauzer optional.
CCrow
Entire production supervised by Jackie Gleason.
. . .
The "Closed Three Plants" car.
Executive producer, Jack Philbin.
CCrow
The Schick electric razor car!
. . .
Costume by Emilio of Capri!
MAMike [as Narrator]
Unfettered avarice by Madison Avenue!
SAServo [as Announcer]
...in The Honeymooners!
[A broad-grilled car is shown next.]
CACrow [as the cars "expression"]
GRRR! RRRRrrrR!
. . .
MAMike [as Narrator]
Clown suit by Bargain Clown of Hollywood.
[The Dancing Woman and the Mystery Man drive away on the Highway of Tomorrow. Throughout the ride, the gang makes noises like "The Jetsons".]
MAMike [as Mystery Man]
Look. Dead raccoon of tomorrow.
[The music becomes very etherial and dreamlike.]
WWoman
[singing] Tomorrow... tomorrow...
[singing, a la Elmer Fudd] With my sword and magic helmet...
. . .
MAMike [as Mystery Man]
That's where President Barbi Benton lives with Prime Minister Jim J. Bullock.
. . .
CCrow
Automatic freeway. You build it.
. . .
Someone invent rock and roll, please!
. . .
Future may not be available as seen. Personal fates may vary. Future not available in Africa, India, or Central South America.
. . .
CCrow
Ah, there's probably some giant kid standing off, holding a control.
[As the short ends, the Dancing Woman and the Mystery Man ride off together. The road they're on appears to be a dead end.]
Look out! The bridge to the future's out!
[They all gasp and make explosions as the end card appears.]
12 to the Moon (movie)
[The film starts over the Columbia Pictures logo.]
SAServo [as Jerry Lewis]
Lady!
CACrow [as Jerry Lewis]
Hey, lady!
MAMike [as Jerry Lewis]
Hey, down here, lady!
SAServo [as Jerry Lewis]
Love this lady.
She's in everything.
[Over the opening title]
Doughnuts?
No, no, no.
CACrow [as Jackie Gleason]
Oh, you're goin' to the moon, all right!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.