Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241
[as Dr. Ralph Martin and Patricia Bennett record their test results and superimposed footage is shown over a tape recorder]
PB Dr. Patricia Bennett
A preliminary biological study made of the air on Nova show the indications of microscopic life not unlike that found on Earth. However, approximately 40% of the bacteria...
PB Dr. Patricia Bennett
...was completely unfamiliar.
Tests for radiation gave a reading of approximately 10% above normal background count...
No, it's just a photo-processed...
...less than a tolerable percentage.
PB Dr. Patricia Bennett
Temperature...
SA Servo [as Patricia]
Expletive deleted. 18 minutes was deleted from this tape. I am not a crook.
PB Dr. Patricia Bennett
Although our preliminary tests are in no way conclusive...
SA Servo [as Patricia]
Or any good at all...
PB Dr. Patricia Bennett
...it does substantiate however that human and animal life as we know it on Earth can exist in the atmosphere and environment of Planet Nova.
Aw, they taped over the Beatles Berlin tapes.
NP Dr. Nora Pierce
What time would you say it is?
JA Joel [as Richard]
Uh, it's time to kill something.
RG Dr. Richard Gordon
[looking at a flock of birds] I'd say it's about three o'clock Earth time here.
SA Servo [as Richard]
Judging by those birds.
NP Dr. Nora Pierce
...we don't know how many hours there are on the daily cycle here. You know, this place could move around faster than our Earth.
RG Dr. Richard Gordon
Well let's figure for three o'clock anyway. That's gives us about three or four hours before dark.
JA Joel [as Richard]
Besides, I've decided I'm the new God of this planet.
[while the scientists attempt to flee from a iguana dinosaur with their kinkajou lemur in tow]
Servo [to the "dinosaur"] Hey, come over here! You wanna meet Joey?
[as Joey] No!! I told you this would happen! Please, I abhor you! Get out of here!
Servo [as everyone scrambles to flee the island as an atomic bomb ticks away to detonation] Anybody got the time? It's a little matter of an atomic bomb.
[in a sing-song voice] Your careers are finally almost over! You'll never be in another film! You may end up in the Psychotronic Film Guide!
[as the atomic explosion kills all the prehistoric beasts on the island]
Uh, we did the right thing, didn't we? They'd never surrender. It was right for us to blow them up.
CA Crow [as the kinkajou]
Thanks for annihilating everything I know!
Servo You know, they're only two miles from the blast, aren't they gonna get vaporized?
Hope so. Well it's an atomic bomb-lite actually. One third as destructive as our other bomb.
Servo Ohhhh... Well, score one for Earth.
JA Joel [as Ralph]
Not a word of this gets out to the people of Earth, alright?
RG Dr. Richard Gordon
We sure have done it. We brought civilization to planet Nova.
Ha! Was that irony? This late in the film.
RG Dr. Richard Gordon
Let's go home.
Yeah, let's go home and grow some three-headed kids.
Hey, there's a certain glow about June. It's... never mind.
Servo And so, with peace in their hearts and fiery death in the sky, they went home.
[The Bacchus 3 crew, wearing enemy uniforms, are about to infiltrate a secret-weapon installation.]
It won't be easy getting into this place.
Servo Wha-- wait a minute.
Captain Joe, you don't necessarily have to get swallowed up in a black hole. If you chart your course carefully, you can go through a tunnel out to a white hole in safety. It's a tricky maneuver.
Where did I hear it? I'm afraid I don't remember. I guess it was at one of those scientific briefings I attended.
Servo I don't think they should try it, they can't even get their lips to move with the words.
CY Colonel Yurulin
[attempting a takeover of Bacchus III] Black hole ahead! If we get any closer, it'll swallow us! I ordered you to change course to starboard! Ken! Starboard course!
Servo I would do my black hole jokes, but they all suck. [Crow and Joel groan]
[as a desert tornado begins to blow the sand off of Bacchus III, freeing the ship]
Dorothy! Dorothy! Auntie Em! Toto!
Servo Toto too?
...
[music plays as the sand is blown away]
It's not the wind, it's a men's choir.
[after the crew of Bacchus III has successfully destroyed the Saysar weapon]
I came up to tell you how proud I am of you guys. You're the greatest crew a captain ever had.
SA Servo [as Joe]
Thank you for shooting me with a dart.
[seeing his "mother" running away] There she is again! Mother! Why does she always run away?
Servo Maybe it's a trap.
[as Ken prepares to leave Bacchus III, and is bidding the crew farewell]
We've been through a lot together.
Servo Except for a good movie.
Servo Hey, this music is perky. I'm feeling really good!
Yeah! Hey, this is gonna be fun guys! I'm feeling really- oh who are we kidding, this is a Fugitive Alien sequel, we're in for the two most painful hours of our lives! [Servo begins crying]
Come on, you guys, we gotta be strong. Try not to fall apart. Come on, we've been through too many Sandy Frank films to let him defeat us now.
A thousand light years away from our solar system lies Valna Star...
Servo [crying] We know...
... a mysterious planet with an enriched atmosphere which in part...
Servo Taped it! [cries more]
Only one memory of Rita remains: her golden Valnor medallion...
SA Servo [as Narrator]
Which Ken hocked for a pack of cigarettes.
Ken will never forget her.
JA Joel [as Narrator]
Or the Visa bill she ran up, huh?
Servo That's good, Crow.
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Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
