[the movie begins with a credit for producer Robert Lippert, who the SOL crew are more than familiar with at this point]
Lippert? Oh, yikes!
Mars is extending us a welcome!
French-fried potatoes!
“King Dinosaur (movie)” · Season 2
In this episode: Joel Robinson (9), Tom Servo (8), Crow T. Robot (5), Dr. Ralph Martin (2), Narrator (1), Patricia (1)
[introducing the scientists assigned to travel and observe planet Nova] If animal life is discovered on Nova, an expert on zoo-geography would be a most important member. [Dr. Gordon is shown observing a saber toothed tiger skull carefully] On August 10, Dr. Richard Gordon was chosen to fill that position. He became famous for his discovery of the giant prehistoric tar pits near Salt Lake City.
CCrow
[as Dr. Gordon] I'd say this patient is dead. I'm no expert, but dead is the word.
[cuts to showing mineralogist Nora Pierce mining sediment out of a wall formation] The study of rock formations and its minerals is a lot like reading the personal diary of a planet.
Yes, it's not very polite.
Dr. Nora Pierce joined the space expedition of August 27; her doctorate in Mineralogy was awarded for her mineralogical research in the Himalayas.
And she's cute too.
[as bizarre sounding horn music plays during the opening scenes]
Whoa; is Cookie the Clown on the premises again?
[smoke pours from the rocket] A new Pope is selected; it's Cookie.
[the rocket ship is slowly landing on the planet Nova]
[as John F. Kennedy ] I believe by the end of this decade, we will land a piece of stock footage on another planet. Ask not what a processed shot can do for you.
[as Dr. Ralph Martin and Patricia Bennett record their test results and superimposed footage is shown over a tape recorder]
PBDr. Patricia Bennett
A preliminary biological study made of the air on Nova show the indications of microscopic life not unlike that found on Earth. However, approximately 40% of the bacteria...
CCrow
Was superimposed.
PBDr. Patricia Bennett
...was completely unfamiliar.
Tests for radiation gave a reading of approximately 10% above normal background count...
CCrow
Joel, I'm tripping!
No, it's just a photo-processed...
...less than a tolerable percentage.
PBDr. Patricia Bennett
Temperature...
SAServo [as Patricia]
Expletive deleted. 18 minutes was deleted from this tape. I am not a crook.
PBDr. Patricia Bennett
Although our preliminary tests are in no way conclusive...
SAServo [as Patricia]
Or any good at all...
PBDr. Patricia Bennett
...it does substantiate however that human and animal life as we know it on Earth can exist in the atmosphere and environment of Planet Nova.
The end.
CCrow
Aw, they taped over the Beatles Berlin tapes.
NPDr. Nora Pierce
What time would you say it is?
JAJoel [as Richard]
Uh, it's time to kill something.
RGDr. Richard Gordon
[looking at a flock of birds] I'd say it's about three o'clock Earth time here.
SAServo [as Richard]
Judging by those birds.
NPDr. Nora Pierce
...we don't know how many hours there are on the daily cycle here. You know, this place could move around faster than our Earth.
RGDr. Richard Gordon
Well let's figure for three o'clock anyway. That's gives us about three or four hours before dark.
JAJoel [as Richard]
Besides, I've decided I'm the new God of this planet.
[one of the scientists sees a superimposed wasp descend upon their campsite]
CCrow
[as scientist/Martin Brody] I'm gonna get a bigger shoe. We're gonna get a bigger shoe, right?
[as Nora and Richard come upon a barren part of the mysterious island]
NPDr. Nora Pierce
What a desolate, forsaken place.
CCrow
What a stilted, pretentious line.
[while the scientists attempt to flee from a iguana dinosaur with their kinkajou lemur in tow]
[to the "dinosaur"] Hey, come over here! You wanna meet Joey?
[as Joey] No!! I told you this would happen! Please, I abhor you! Get out of here!
[as everyone scrambles to flee the island as an atomic bomb ticks away to detonation] Anybody got the time? It's a little matter of an atomic bomb.
[in a sing-song voice] Your careers are finally almost over! You'll never be in another film! You may end up in the Psychotronic Film Guide!
[as the atomic explosion kills all the prehistoric beasts on the island]
CCrow
Uh, we did the right thing, didn't we? They'd never surrender. It was right for us to blow them up.
CACrow [as the kinkajou]
Thanks for annihilating everything I know!
You know, they're only two miles from the blast, aren't they gonna get vaporized?
CCrow
Hope so. Well it's an atomic bomb-lite actually. One third as destructive as our other bomb.
Ohhhh... Well, score one for Earth.
Well, we've done it.
JAJoel [as Ralph]
Not a word of this gets out to the people of Earth, alright?
RGDr. Richard Gordon
We sure have done it. We brought civilization to planet Nova.
CCrow
Ha! Was that irony? This late in the film.
RGDr. Richard Gordon
Let's go home.
Yeah, let's go home and grow some three-headed kids.
CCrow
Hey, there's a certain glow about June. It's... never mind.
And so, with peace in their hearts and fiery death in the sky, they went home.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.