Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[to Dr. Foster] So that's what you call [them being] eccentric. I have another name for it.

[as Patricia] I call it bitchy.

[as he assists in defending Patricia's testimony to her boss about Dr. Lorenz] The glands in our body help determine the condition of our teeth, the texture of our hair...

[as Dr. Foster] The cut of our jib.

Joel

Learning is fun!

Joel

Bless you!

Gesundheit.

Joel

You're not supposed to do that...

Servo

That stirred up my RAMS real bad.

Joel

Wow, he can drive and shoot at the same time? He must be ambidextrous!

Boy, I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous.

If only I could have a decent assistant who can follow orders instead of trying to be the boss.

I'm bossy? You ought to be milked before you come home every night!

Servo

Dibs!

I'll get a stool and a pail.

Servo

That's udderly ridiculous.

Oh, cow could you say that?

Servo

Are you gonna milk this for all it's worth?

Servo

[a shot of a rocket traveling to the space platform plays] It's a V-2 rocket!

Could've had a V-8! [Joel slaps Crow upside the head] Joke, Joel. [It was] a joke!

Servo

I thought it was hilarious! [Joel slaps Servo on the dome]

[while Johnny is walking past ruins of civilization on the way home] It's the Berlin Wall!

Joel

Uh, this is the apocalypse; I think that's the Great Wall of Cleveland.

Joel

[as the Ro-Man fumbles about in view of the Ro-Man communication device] Peeking through the knothole, of Grandma's wooden leg...

[as the Great Guidance, in annoyance] I hired an idiot!

Is this the end of the film, Joel?

Joel

Uh, I don't think it is.

Servo

You ever had deja vu, Joel?

Joel

Huh? What?

Joel

We've gotta get out of here.

Servo

This is pathetic! [pause] You ever had deja vu, Joel?

Stop it!

[in a phone call back to fellow scientist Joan as he prepares to ambush Retik's Earth henchmen] Call the police and tell them to block the highway on the other side of the mountain.

[as Joan, making a phone call] Hello, police? Block the mountain on the other side of the highway!

Today I will prove that Commando Cody is guilty of the following felony changes- failure to follow a proper flight plan, reckless endangerment of the public, defying the laws of physics... and gravity, and acting as an officer of the law... and simply bad acting.

Servo

[acting as Cody's lawyer] We plead hardship, your Honor! My client- Commando Cody- has more than paid his debt to society by being trapped in a pathetic serial!

[after chatting with fellow survivor Bonnie during the night and sharing a kiss] Gee whiz, you know as long as you're sitting here, I don't even want to think about Slime People.

[continuing as Cal] Though it's hard, looking at a mug like yours.

Servo

[singing] You're watching Commando Cody; a not-so-new character from Republic. He gets in trouble every week, but he's saved by editing...

Joel

[singing] His laboratory is a boxing ring when bad guys come to mix it up; someone always gets kidnapped, so Cody has to go to fix it up...

[singing] Bad guys beware- Cody is there; you'll like his hair, it's under his helmet, 'cuz we couldn't think of a good rhyme; and that's the end of the Commando Cody theme song! So sit right back, and with a will of granite, watch Chapter 8- The Enemy Planet. [nervously laughs]

[role-playing as Krog on the bridge] Earth men, I want you to take an atomic bomb the size of a pineapple, strap it to a Piper Cub, and crash into Mt. Vesuvius!

Servo

[roleplaying as Commando Cody] Does he have any idea who he's dealing with? I could-

Ahhh, you're Servo; and Joel's holding you up.

Servo

Pay no attention to the man holding me up.

Joel

[reading a building abbreviated as SPACOM] Spacom: wood-filled and meat substitute.

We built this city on Spacom!

Servo

Instead of rock and roll?

Yep.