Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

It's a boy!

Yay!

[being wheeled away by a group of women] Mr. West!

Hey, wait a minute!

But we have to surgery.

Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.

Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up.

Sorry, but this is out of network.

And then there were nun! [the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile] Ha. Get it?

Servo

[dressed as Sir Anthony] Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?

Huh?

[dressed as Medika] It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.

Huh?

Greenwich Mean Time!

Servo

Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.

Huh?!

Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!

Servo

Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...

Oh, I know that one! For your information.

Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.

Talk to you later.

Correct!

Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...

Servo

Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?

Yeah, what do you say to that?

Uh, OWGMS.

Huh?

Erno, are his clothes packed?

Yes, my lady.

Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so.

Burn the suit.

And take care of his bill.

Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience.

Keep joking, Mr. West.

Please don't.

You will be finished with jokes before the night is out.

Us too.

I was beginning to run out of material anyway.

Agreed.

I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me?

Sham-wow!

Well, what'd you have in mind?

Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... [reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]

It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon!

Bang!

That was an awful experience.

Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest.

But I've slept most of the movie.

Papa, is that you???

Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not.

Papa, you wanna have a catch?

Hey, it's not your dad, okay?

Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

I hope he gets his balls shot off.

So say we all.

You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!

You know, like the Titanic, or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!

So who are we rooting for?

Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie.

Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!

Just keep that override down!!!

Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds.

Servo

And your point?

That's not gonna be problematic...

I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!

I'm used to it, I'm on Twitter.

Oh, she can finally clean that fan.

Feast your eyes on this.

Servo

Anything to take our eyes off of that.

That's a Tuscarora!

No, that's a pearl.

It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?

From a wet scared guy.

Can you fence it?

Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire! These are rare, I haven't seen one in years.

There's a lot more where that came from.

Servo

I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.

I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.

Splitting it? That's almost like half!

[shaking East Eddie's hand] Put 'er there, pard!

You got it, 'ner!

Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days.

Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?

Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand.

It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene.

So we'll split it three ways!

Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!

No, we don't need him!

I want him! He'll keep us honest.

What are we, crooks?

Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on.

[hysterical] You can't live on an island! It's surrounded by WATER! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!

Esperanto.

The truth!

Is East Eddie the bad guy???

And you talk to me in English!

Servo

That's why American tourists are beloved the world over.