[Tylor arrives at MIFT Headquarters]
Hey, everybody, meet the new guy! Tylor Tuskmon.
We were best buds in college.
We just had that one class together.
Yeah, but it was special.
We didn't actually speak. Hi, everyone, just to be clear, I was told this was a temporary assignment.
FritzWell, we'll see about that, won't we? I'm Fritz. OH, they said they were sending over a new MIFTer.
Sorry, what exactly is "MIFT"?
Fritz
What is MIFT?
Oh, now you done it. [brings over a chair for Fritz to stand on; Duncan plays dramatic music on his stereo]
Fritz
Since the day Monsters, Inc. was founded, there has been a need. A need for a dedicated team of mechanics to nurture the intricate machinery that is the foundation of this factory. No matter how arduous or difficult the repair might be, MIFT is there to tighten the bolts, unclog the pipes, wrench the nut! We embrace it with, uh... We embrace it with...
With unbridled anticipation.
Fritz
There you go! Unbridled participation of what challenge lies ahead. And at the end of the day, we each say, "I'm proud!" [Banana Bread sputters] "I am proud to be a member of the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team!"
[Duncan stops the music while Cutter throws confetti]
For the record, I've never actually said that.
[when trying to make a kid laugh, Tylor accidentally wreaked havoc that wrecked a Laugh Floor]
I am so sorry, Mr. Sullivan. Mr. Wazowski. I, uh, appreciate the opportunity that I have completely blown. You'll never see me again.
Hold it! You're Tylor Tuskmon, aren't you?
Uh, yes. Yes, I am. How did you know?
Who do you think recommended you for the job? You graduated top of you class, even broke my record in the simulation room.
Ah, yeah. Well... What can I say? I seem to be pretty good at breaking things lately.
It's been a rough day for all of us.
Yep. Everything's changing.
Laugh power instead of scare power. Me and Mike in charge. And I guess they're gonna have to change the old MU School of Scaring to the College of Comedy.
Comedy college... Right! Sulley, you're a genius! And seeing that I am the official SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM, I'm making an executive decision to begin Monster, Inc. Comedy Classes, featuring Professor Me! I'll each all you scary monsters how to be funny.
'Cause I know what it's like once you've stepped across that line. You'd do anything to be on this floor.
So I actually have a chance of becoming a Jokester?
Mike and I, we worked our way up from the mailroom. So anything's possible.
No more scaring. Now it's, uh, laughter you're after.
Bingo! Our new slogan! "It's Laughter We're After."
FVFamiliar voice
Wazowski!
[looks over at Roz's old counter to a monster, similar to Roz, but with red hair] Roz?
Wake me up, Sulley. I've having a horrible nightmare. One where you actually smell things.
They just delivered the new kid's hat and ID.
[Tylor puts on his new hat and ID tag]
And from now on, call me Sulley.
[The MIFT crew arrives]
Whoa, what happened here? Sure know how to make an impression.
Fritz
Where'd you go? I thought you were getting us appreciation donuts.
[whispers] Remember, I'm onto you.
Tylor, welcome to Monsters, Incorporated.
[Tylor storms to comedy class after Duncan tries to harm him with a faulty scream canister just as Fritz and Val bring out a piñata in Tylor's likeness]
FVFritz and Val
[singing] Piñata time, piñata time, olé!
[they both realize Tylor's gone]
Fritz
What happened?
[Banana Bread starts blowing raspberries and points at Duncan accusingly]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't listen to him, okay? He's exaggerating. I didn't try to kill him. The rookie couldn't change a simple valve.
I dunno. He said something about a comedy class. I don't keep the schedule.
Comedy class? He didn't say anything about a comedy class.
Fritz
I don't understand. I tried so hard to make him feel welcome here. I gave him a desk, a nameplate, and look, he never even drank his Drooler Cooler. Sad sigh.
[Tylor has just helped MIFT fix a door station and save Mike]
Another laugh canister... filled. [falls asleep]
Only took him two hours to burn through all 36 1/2 hours of energy.
[puts a blanket over Mike] Aww, let's just let him sleep. Great job, MIFT. And thank you, Tylor.
No, no, no. It was a team effort, really. Really.
Well, they couldn't have done it without you.
You did it! You wrenched the heck out of that nut.
Fritz
You finished your first job as a MIFTer.
Fritz
This calls for a celebration!
[Fritz is playing desktop football]
Fritz
The crowd is breathless as he's going for the longest kick in the season. And here's the field goal to win... There goes footsie ball!
[as soon as Fritz flicks the paper football, the work order flings it away from the goal]
Fritz
Oh. You win again, empty chair.
Y'know, us hanging out here, all hangin' out and stuff, reminds me of all those times we hung out at MU.
I'm pretty sure we had that, just one class together.
[Tylor asks Fritz if he knows bowlers that could compete against Gary's team]
Fritz
Do I know bowlers? Yes, I know bowlers! They don't call me "No Splitz Fritz" for nothing.
They... They call you that?
Fritz
For nothing.
Huh. I've never heard them call you that.
Fritz
Welly, they do, they do, they do. And we've got Pin-Pal Val over there and No-Gutter Cutter. Hmm, Duncan doesn't play, but he loves the snachos.
Huh, well, that is great news.
Fritz
The snachos?
No, no, that you guys play. That's... Wow. Have you ever thought about forming a team?
Fritz
A bowling team?
Yeah, sure. And maybe, I don't know, entering the Bowl-off-a-thon?
Fritz
Form a team... The Bowl-off-a-thon... Ha, ha! Oh, I know what you're doing.
Fritz
Yeah, you're falling in love with us. [chuckles]
I... am doing that. I'm doing what you just said. I am in love, yes.
Fritz
Yeah, you could be the team captain.
Totally. Yeah, yeah. A chance for me to bond with you guys.
Fritz
Your new family!
Other than, of course, my actual family that I also have.
Fritz
Extended family.
Fritz
How about the "family that lives next door who's a little weird, but you still tell them when you're going on vacation, so they can get your mail" family?
Sure. Yeah. We'll go with that.
[MIFT finds out that Tylor has replaced them with the Overnighters; but the Overnighters leave, disgusted that Tylor betrayed his original team]
Sorry, Mike. I just... I just wanted to impress you. And all I really ended up doing was... [sighs] ...was hurting my team. I really let you guys down, and I'm sorry. I guess we... I guess I have to forfeit.
Whoa, looks like the Big Wazowskis forfeit, which means the winner is--
Fritz
Wait! You said "team." You're right. We are the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team. And when you're part of a team, you stand up for your teammates. And regardless of what they do, unless it's illegal and would make you an accomplice to a crime, which I have learned the hard way, you remain loyal. By their side. Through the... Well, you know, through the...
Fritz
The good in the bag because you know they would do the same for you. So, Tylor, I have a question for you, young MIFTer. Are you part of our team?
Well, I mean, I'm more than part of the team. I'm the team captain. And you know what? I will lead us to victory. Because we are MIFT. We are the Big Wazowskis.
Fritz
But, Tylor can I remind you that we pee-ew stink?
Well, then, we're just gonna have to stink our way to victory.
[Fritz meets up with Needleman and Smitty about taking a vacation in the human world]
Welcome to Needleman and Smitty's vacation door emporium.
Fritz
I love vacation doors.
That's right. Each of these doors was personally rescued by us from the shredder, and guaranteed to deliver you to an isolated, human-free destination.
Fritz
Okay. Oh, please. I can't wait. Tell me, what do you got?
[Smitty, dressed as a sailor, uncovers an old boat door]
Who wouldn't wanna chill out on a cruise to an abandoned ship in the Arctic Circle?
This vacation sounds cool.
Shut up! I give the sales pitch, you're the glamor model.
Transyl-Romania is known for blood-sucking vampires. But what doesn't suck are the deluxe amenities of this musty, deserted castle.
[Smitty stands in front of a medieval castle door wearing fake fangs and paper bat wings and holding a candelabra which burns his bat wings]
You'll have a rotten time in this decaying cabin in the woods.
[Smitty fishes in a bucket and pulls a giant sea serpent that eats his fishing rod]
Fritz
Nah, too fishy. What else you got?
Soak up the sun at this condemned Caribbean beach resort!
[Smitty plays the steel drum]
Fritz
Beach vacation! Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes! That's the one!
Excellent choice, my good man. This vacated vacation paradise is yours.
Fritz
Hold it. You're sure that using a door that was supposed to be shredded isn't against company policy?
Oh, we don't say "against company policy."
That's right. We say "debit or credit."
Fritz
Okay, everybody, are you ready? 'Cause it's time to play...
FVFritz, Val, and Cutter
Wheel of Temporary Supervisor! [they spin the wheel]
Today's my lucky day, Roto. Can you feel it? Can you feel it?! Yes, yes, yes!
Wait, why is my name on there?
When Fritz goes on vacation, the wheel picks a temporary supervisor.
Yeah, but I see the ambition in your eyes, College Boy. You'd just love to have me under your thumb, squishing me with your little temporary supervisor thumb.
Thumb? What are you... I've told you, Duncan. I have no interest in Fritz's job, okay?
I signed your ridiculous contract.
Right. Like a two-faced charlatan like you would honor a contract.
Two-face... What are you talking about?
Come on, come on, come on! Let's go, wheel! Mama needs a temporary promotion!
Come on, come on, come on!
[the wheel lands on Val's name]
Fritz
Congratulations, Temporary Supervisor Val.
Oh, I have so many fun things planned for my employees: Mindfulness Mondays, Tamale Tuesdays, Waffle Wednesdays, Friendly French Fry Fridays.
What next, yoga? Uh-uh. Neither me nor my schedule is flexible.
Yeah, yeah, let's hear it for Val. So much for my humble dream of being temporary supervisor. [about to throw his nameplate in the trash] I'll just throw away the only thing I've ever wanted in my insignificant life. [he throws his nameplate in the trash but it hits the edge and knocks the can over] Ah, great. I can't even throw away my dreams right.
Huh. Kinda goes against my better judgement, but I actually feel a little sorry for him.
[on the phone] Yeah. Yeah, Mom, you know how you always told me, "Dreams can come true"? Heh. Yeah, well, uh, I learned today that they can't. No, don't cry. Don't cry, Mom. I tried my best. I did. I did.
[Val tips the wheel over to Duncan's name out of sympathy]
Fritz
Huh? Looks like I made an oopsie. The temporary supervisor is Duncan!
Me? Moi? The fates have chosen. Well, uh, Mr. Fritz, sir, there's, of course, no way I can match your robust managerial skills, blah-blah-blah, but I will do my best to make you proud, sir, and, uh, supervise the team.
[two weeks later, Cutter activates the vacation door; Argus comes out with a tan line wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
That was, without a doubt... [happily] the best vacation of my life! Wow!
Fritz
[comes out the door] I believe it, Argus. 'Cause you really needed to unwind. You're very wound.
So, uh, you're doing okay?
I'm more than okay. Sipping creepy coladas, napping beneath the palms, cha-chaing the night away.
Argus? You're still here?
Yeah, I thought you left two weeks ago.
Oh, no, no, no. I took a little time off. I have your MIFT crew to thank.
You are welcome. And that is the last we will speak of it.
Well, of course, I will be writing all of you up, but just a warning this time. Goodbye, Mr. Laugh Energy. [leaves]
[sighs] That was too close. We were nearly shut down.
You caused a major power outage, conspired to cover it up, and if that weren't enough, attempted to bribe a M.E.R.C. official.
Stay on point, Sulley, stay on point.
Fritz
Is all this true? Duncan?
[sighs in defeat] Yes, sir.
Oh, this is all my fault. I tipped the wheel so that Duncan could be temporary supervisor.
Well, regardless of how he became temporary supervisor, it all happened on your watch, Duncan.
And any of these accusations is grounds for dismissal.
Dismissal? Um... Temporary supervisor's, uh... [sniffles] Well, he's gotta go down with his temporary ship... I guess. So, uh, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Wazowski...
I'm sorry, I... I'm the one that caused the outage, okay? Duncan, he was just trying to be a good supervisor. So if anyone deserves to be dismissed, it's me.
No, no, no. The power outage and, you know, all the other stuff, that was my fault, too. Though I am significantly less at fault than him.
Fritz
Hmm. I am so proud of you two. Not only have you displayed that get-along MIFTer spirit, you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice one another.
TDTylor and Duncan
"Sacrifice for one another"?
Fritz
That, too. So, Mr. W, Mr. S, what do you way we forget all the dismissal jumbo-mumbo-bumbo-bimble?
Speaking of dismissal mumbo jumbo, what about that "against company policy" vacation door?
Taken care of, Sulley. I'm having it shredded.
Mr. Wazowski, we're here to take the vacation door to your office.
[Mike chuckles nervously]
[Tylor tries to buy a drink from a vending machine, but it stops working]
Oh, uh, hey, Val? There's something wrong with this old machine here. I think it might be broken.
That's more than an old machine, Double T. I told you, her name's Vendy.
Right, right. Forgot it has a name.
Fritz named her. She's as much a MIFTer as any of us. And a little moody sometimes. So, all you gotta do is say, "Hi, Vendy!" Like that.
Oh, okay. Sure. Uh, hi, Vendy.
Good. Now bump the left side with your fist. [does exactly what she said three times] Bump-bump-bump. Then wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with his shoulder]
Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump. Got it. Okay, thanks.
Don't bump too hard. Few years back, Nathan in marketing shook her and bam! Squashed him like a bug. He's an invertebrate, so he was okay. And we got free candy, so, heh... [walks away]
Oh, well, it's good to hear you got free candy. [chuckles] Okay, Vendy, here we go. [bumps the left side of Vendy with his fist] Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with his shoulder, but accidentally shoves his horn into it, causing it to malfunction and spark out] Oh, no!
Fritz
Jumping gaskets! What's wrong with Vendy?!
I don't know! I just bumped it!
Fritz
No! No, no, no, no, no!
[Vendy starts sparking out]
Like I said, I think it's... [Vendy breaks down completely, unable to be working anymore] ...broken.
[MIFT is holding a funeral for Vendy]
Fritz
Today, we mourn the passing of another very special member of our MIFT family, Vendy. [sobs sadly]
[confused] We're having a funeral for a vending machine?
Fritz
Not just any vending machine. Vendy and I began our careers here at Monsters, Inc. on the very same day. Me, an ambitious young mechanic. Vendy, a machine with a dream of dispensing chilled drinks at an inflated price because of the convenience.
[sobbing] SHE WAS WORTH IT!!
Fritz
She wouldn't want us to cry. But instead, to [wheezes] celebrate... her life.
[Fritz and Val sob hysterically as Vendy is carted out of MIFT's office.]
[Fritz is shocked to see a brand new vending machine where Vendy was]
Fritz
A new vending machine?
Look at that. It even has hot foods. That's pretty... hot.
That's right, sir. I had it installed just for you.
You had it installed? No, no, no. This wasn't Duncan's idea.
Yeah, Val and I are the ones who gave Mike the idea to upgrade.
But I approved the delivery.
Fritz
No, no, no, no, no. I don't think I like this.
Fritz
It's just too soon.
Fritz
I miss Vendy.
This was all College Boy's hair-brained scheme.
What?! No! Hey, I didn't ask Mike to send this down.
You said it was your idea.
I said it was Mike's idea.
This is clearly all their fault. Keep that in mind.
[as Tylor, Val and Duncan continue arguing, Fritz walks up to the new vending machine and looks through all the selections]
Fritz
Wow! Look at all these refreshing Drooler Cooler flavors. I like this.
Fritz
How do I choose? There's Spineapple! That sounds...
Fritz
Taste Free, Bilgeberry. Maybe I'm just gonna go for Bile Blast.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
Fritz
[selects Bile Blast] Bump-bump-bump. [inserts his coins] Bitty bump. [the machine opens and a tray comes out holding a Bile Blast Drooler Cooler] Oh, my! [drinks the Drooler Cooler] The acidity's astounding. I can't feel my tongue, but so what? Maybe I should've tried the Lemon Slime instead. That could've been even more delightful and refreshing.
Hey, look, there's an exchange button.
Fritz
Huh?
Fritz
Oh. Jumping gaskets! [presses the exchange button and places the drink back in the tray] Whoa! Would you look at that? [selects Lemon Slime] Bitty bump. [the tray comes out holding a Lemon Slime Drooler Cooler] I can't get over it! This is really something! Thank you, Vendy 2! [kisses "Vendy 2"] And thank you all. You know, I'm having a really rough week and this makes me feel a smidgy bit better. [goes into his office carrying multiple sodas]
You hear that? He thanked us. We're not getting fired.
No, no. He thanked moi. I'm not getting fired.
[Fritz is looking over each MIFTer's files]
He's in there right now. Going through our files. Making his decision. And don't think your little vending machine trick will work, College Boy. You can't snack your way out of gettin' fired.
Oh, I think I already have. [looks at the candy selections in Vendy Two] Whoa! Hot Snots?
Hot Snots? [flies up to Tylor] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast. No-no-no-no-no! You can't have those. Hot Snots are my thing.
Your thing? No, no. They've been my thing since I was three.
Three?! My mom popped those babies instead of prenatals, okay?!
I win! You'll just have to find another favorite.
Seriously? No, I'm getting them.
[they both bicker and continuously press the button on Vendy Two until she shuts down]
Ho-ho! Now you're definitely getting fired.
You're the one who kept push-push-pushing. He's firing you!
Fritz is gonna be so upset.
[sighs] Yeah, I better fix this thing.
Whoa, no-no-no-no-no. You can't fix anything, we've established that. I'll fix it, and you just stand there and be fired. [opens the circuit panel on Vendy Two and starts taking parts out]
It says to call an authorized service center.
Authorized, schmauthorized. That's for amateurs like you. [gets electrocuted and topples over] Don't touch that yellow wire. Reroute this to that, tighten this, jiggly this thingie, and boom! Let's give this thing a try. [he and Tylor push Vendy Two back into place and she turns back on] There! Good as new. I'll just get rid of all this stuff. [moves the parts he took out under Vendy Two]
Wait-wait-wait-wait. What are those?
Ah, you know, extra parts. Bunch of doohickeys.
It's not gonna make any difference.
Fritz
Oh, I think I need another Drooler Cooler pick-me-up. I've got a lot on my mind. [selects drinks] Oh, Spittle Splash flavor. That sounds scrumptious. [selects Spittle Splash and inserts his change; Vendy Two dispenses a box of Pop-Farts instead] Pop-Farts? I don't want Pop-Farts. [presses the exchange button; the machine roars and flashes "unleash the feast" then launches a soda right into Fritz stomach]
TVTylor and Val
Are you okay?
Fritz
No! I got canned! There's something very wrong with that machine!
[Vendy Two goes haywire and starts launching food and drinks at the MIFTers]
Fritz
In my office! Everyone!
[The MIFTers retreat into Fritz's office as Vendy Two continues to go crazy]
[Fritz calls Vend-O Service to get help after Vendy 2 goes crazy and uncontrolable]
RRudy
Vend-O Service. Can I help you?
Fritz
Oh, yes, you can! Our machine, it's gone crazy!
RRudy
Calm down, sir. Everything will be fine. As long as you didn't remove any doohickeys.
Fritz
BUT WE DID!!
[Vendy 2 launches a soda can that disconnects the phone line]
Fritz
Hello? Hello?! Oh, the phone line's been cut! It's cut the phone line! [echoing]
Monsters at Work · 69 quotes
