[Monsters, Inc. has now converted to laugh power; James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski are sent to Mr. Waternoose's old office]
RRoz
Boys, we need to talk.
[Sulley nudges Mike towards Roz]
Oh, Roz, what an unpleasant surprise. [tries to walk out but Sulley stops him]
RRoz
I had a little debrief with the Board of Directors, and they wanted me to relay the news: They're putting you two in charge.
[Sully is gives a shocked look while Mike is ecstatic]
SulleyYou're kidding.
RRoz
That's what I said. But, Sullivan, you're officially the new Monsters, Inc. CEO. And, Wazowski, you're the...
Wait. I got this. Senior Co-President of Monsters, Incorporated, and Chief Executive Vice-Deputy Administrative Director of Comedy Resources Management, or SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM for short.
RRoz
Eh... My work here is done.
Well, adieu, Roz. True friends never say goodbye, so... goodbye! Can you believe it, Sulley?! We're in charge! You and me!
RRoz
One last thing: The Board promised to give my sister my old job. She'll be in later. Good luck. She's not bubbly like me. Ha, ha, ha!
Sulley
Us in charge?
[on the phone] Yeah, you heard right, we're in charge, Floor Supervisor Celia.
[excited] What?! Really?!
I thought the first order of business should be for you to get your long overdue promotion.
Everybody, get back to work! I'm practicing my Floor Supervisor voice. Oh, my gosh. I'm...
[pushes a picture of Waternoose off the desk] Goodbye! [kisses the phone and hangs up] I could really get into this being-in-charge thing. Not that I'd use it for personal gain. How much do you think my raise should be? What about a company car? You know, nothing...
[the power flickers all over the factory]
Sulley
There won't be any raise or car if we don't keep the power on. Come on, we need to get you to the Scare Floor.
Sulley
Laugh Floor. Right, right. And we're gonna need to find a couple hundred more funny monsters.
Plus, we're gonna need a new slogan. Let's see. "We clown around to power the town."
Sulley
I'm thinking... no.
"We are funny to keep the lights runny."
Sulley
Keep trying, Mikey.
[when trying to make a kid laugh, Tylor accidentally wreaked havoc that wrecked a Laugh Floor]
I am so sorry, Mr. Sullivan. Mr. Wazowski. I, uh, appreciate the opportunity that I have completely blown. You'll never see me again.
Sulley
Hold it! You're Tylor Tuskmon, aren't you?
Uh, yes. Yes, I am. How did you know?
Sulley
Who do you think recommended you for the job? You graduated top of you class, even broke my record in the simulation room.
Ah, yeah. Well... What can I say? I seem to be pretty good at breaking things lately.
Sulley
It's been a rough day for all of us.
Yep. Everything's changing.
Sulley
Laugh power instead of scare power. Me and Mike in charge. And I guess they're gonna have to change the old MU School of Scaring to the College of Comedy.
Comedy college... Right! Sulley, you're a genius! And seeing that I am the official SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM, I'm making an executive decision to begin Monster, Inc. Comedy Classes, featuring Professor Me! I'll each all you scary monsters how to be funny.
'Cause I know what it's like once you've stepped across that line. You'd do anything to be on this floor.
So I actually have a chance of becoming a Jokester?
Sulley
Mike and I, we worked our way up from the mailroom. So anything's possible.
No more scaring. Now it's, uh, laughter you're after.
Bingo! Our new slogan! "It's Laughter We're After."
FVFamiliar voice
Wazowski!
[looks over at Roz's old counter to a monster, similar to Roz, but with red hair] Roz?
Wake me up, Sulley. I've having a horrible nightmare. One where you actually smell things.
They just delivered the new kid's hat and ID.
[Tylor puts on his new hat and ID tag]
Sulley
And from now on, call me Sulley.
[The MIFT crew arrives]
Whoa, what happened here? Sure know how to make an impression.
Where'd you go? I thought you were getting us appreciation donuts.
[whispers] Remember, I'm onto you.
Tylor, welcome to Monsters, Incorporated.
[Mike has just finished filling a laugh cannister and is really tired]
Sulley
You've been at this for 18 hours straight. You need a break.
Ah! A break? Sulley, I am personally powering Monstropolis. [points to the Laugh Record board] Look! First place, second place... fourth place? Uh, that Lanky and his spinning bowtie. We'll see who gets the last laugh, Lanky!
[Lanky twirls his bowtie]
Sulley
Mike, you need to relax. Let the others handle it for a while.
I'm fine. I gotta keep the kids laughing. I got a gift, Sulley. You do not hide a gift like mine from my tiny, adoring friends... [falls asleep]
Sulley
Well, if you're gonna keep the kids laughing, we'd better get you some coffee.
[Sulley carries Mike to the break room and pours him a cup of coffee]
Sulley
Okay. Creamer, sugar. [pours the creamer and sugar into Mike's cup] Sugars, creamers, stir sticks. No stir sticks. Where is it? [looks around to see if anyone's looking and then takes Mikey's hand and uses his finger to stir his coffee; Mike wakes up as soon as Sulley gives him his coffee] There you go. That'll help.
Bleh, that's horrible. Tastes like someone's finger.
Sulley
Uh, that's weird.
Wazowski! Better not fall asleep in your comedy class.
Oh, that's right. I'm teaching comedy class at lunch.
Sulley
Mike, you can't keep going like this.
Actually, he can, Mr. Sullivan, with a little something called... [throws Mike an energy drink bottle] 36 1/2 Hour Energy drink.
Yeah, me and Needleman drink two of those when we run out of 73 Hour Energy drink.
It's twice as good as the 18 1/4 Hour Energy drink.
[Mike drinks the energy drink]
Sulley
Yeah? I don't know. 36 1/2 hours sounds a lot of energy for such a little...
[Mike finishes off the energy drink and his pupil grows with energy]
[Tylor has just helped MIFT fix a door station and save Mike]
Another laugh canister... filled. [falls asleep]
Sulley
Only took him two hours to burn through all 36 1/2 hours of energy.
[puts a blanket over Mike] Aww, let's just let him sleep. Great job, MIFT. And thank you, Tylor.
No, no, no. It was a team effort, really. Really.
Well, they couldn't have done it without you.
You did it! You wrenched the heck out of that nut.
You finished your first job as a MIFTer.
This calls for a celebration!
[Tylor and Val realize they need to take the baby out of the room so her parents won't find out about them]
Baby?! We have to take the baby out?!
Just while we make the repairs.
Nope. No kids allowed in Monsters, Inc. or Monstropolis.
If she wakes up and the parents catch us, boom! Dead door.
Sulley
Wait, wait, what if I take her out and keep her asleep--
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Sulley
Come on, Mike.
Not after what happened last time with Boo. Remember? [imitates Sulley] "Ooklay in the agbay."
TTyler
[whispers to Val] Is he speaking French?
Our lives were almost ruined.
Sulley
That won't happen again.
If we can't fix it in time, we got ourselves a dead door.
Sulley
[chuckles] You?
Yes, me. You see, Sulley, there's a difference between you and me.
Sulley
Yeah. I'm tall and you're short.
Sulley
I'm blue, you're green.
Sulley
Awesome horns, little nubs.
Sulley
Furry, not furry.
Sulley
Huggable, less huggable.
No! And stop it! Unlike you, Sulley, I can control my feelings. I'm immune to kids' cuteness.
[Mike is keeping the baby in his office]
I just want you to know that that cute little snoring thing you do doesn't affect me.
Sulley
[loudly enters the office] Hey, Mike!
[the baby starts crying]
Sulley
[whispering] How's it going?
Perfect. No problem. See? I'm not even affected by little Snore.
Sulley
Wait. You named it?
[hesitantly] Um, I-I-I...
Sulley
You told me once that if you name it...
You start getting attached to it. And no, this is different.
Sulley
How?
I just can't call it "thing." For example, if somebody came in and said, "Hey, Mike, can I borrow that thing?" How would I know what they're talking about? Snore or a stapler? It's completely different.
Sulley
I just came by to tell you Rant just gave me two tickets to the baseball game.
[gasps] The Monstropolis Creepees vs. the Red Shocks?
Sulley
Yeah, awesome seats, too.
Oh, that's great! When are we going?
Sulley
We? Oh, uh, it's today's game. I was gonna ask you, but since you're babysitting, I was gonna see if Fungus wanted to go.
Fungus?! [is about to yell about stops as he knows he would wake up Snore] Fungus?! He knows zip about baseball. I'm the Creepees' biggest fan. [points to his baseball cards and Creepees gear] Look, look, look! And an autographed picture of me with TJ Clawson! I've got tons of monsterobelia! Take Fungus to the opera. You're taking me to the game.
Sulley
What about little Snore?
[at the game]
[sniffs] You smell something, Sulley? I think my rotdog's gone fresh.
Sulley
Well, it ain't me. It's... [gestures to Snore]
[sniffs Snore's diaper and gags] Wow, that's fresh. Makes my eye water. Hey, pal, buddy.
Sulley
Nope.
Nothing is more important than our friendship, right?
Sulley
Nope.
Sulley
Nope.
You owe me for that favor I did for you.
Sulley
Nope.
Sulley
Nope.
[Sulley slurps his drink loudly]
That I did. I'll pay you.
Sulley
You're the one who insisted on giving her the rotdog.
Yeah, but I didn't know it would make its way through so quickly. These humans are weird. I still haven't passed something from seven months ago.
Sulley
You know, my mother always said, "What goes in must come out."
I never liked your mother.
Sulley
[as Mike returns after changing the baby] Oh, brother, did you miss it! Clawson hit two fast balls! [trails off when he sees how annoyed Mike is] Oh, I got a good feelin' tonight's the night...
Isn't that great? I'm so glad that you enjoyed it.
Sulley
Oh. Uh... Hmm. Well, if there's anything you need me to help out with...
How about you're cooking dinner tonight and doing the dishes?
Sulley
Cooking? Well, uh, maybe we could order out.
Order out? Order o-- That's all we do. Why can't we for once have a nice home-cooked family meal together? Answer me that. Answer me that!
Sulley
But you like ordering out!
That was before the baby.
RSRed Shocks fan
[angry at Mike] Who brings a stupid baby to a baseball game?
[Mike gets angry at what the fan said.]
Sulley
Uh, he didn't mean it.
RSRed Shocks fan
I said, what kind of class-A moron, ingrate, ding-dong brings a stupid baby TO A BASEBALL GAME?!
[glaring] That's what I thought you said. [puts Snore back in the bucket]
Sulley
[worried] Mike?
Nobody, not even an overgrown ogre in makeup calls our baby stupid.
[Tylor hits Duncan with a propelled scream canister and Duncan retaliates but loses control causing a stack of canisters to topple over and go haywire, knocking the main energy box, causing a blackout on the factory and all of Monstropolis; M.E.R.C. (Monstropolis Energy Regulatory Commission) sends an investigator to look for the cause]
Sulley
Oh, no. Not him. That's Argus Blinks. He hasn't taken a day off in 20 years. If he finds a problem, he'll shut us down. This could be the end of laugh power.
[approaches Mike and Sulley] Ahem. Argus Blinks, M.E.R.C. investigator. [shows his badge]
Sulley
James P. Sullivan, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated.
Yes, "Mr. Laugh Energy," I know who you are.
Sulley
Is that good or bad?
I am here to determine the cause of today's blackout, and whether or not a shutdown or a change in management is in order.
Sulley
You'll have our full cooperation, sir.
Full cooperation! Now, if you could please sign in. [hands Argus a form; Argus notices a 50 dollar bill clipped to it]
That? Oh! [chuckles] That's my lunch money. Or it could be your lunch money.
Sulley
Ahem, Mike...
Are you trying to bribe me?!
Sulley
No, no, of course he's not. [whispering to Mike] Put that away.
That's so silly. Now, by chance, have you happened to drop these box seat tickets to the Monstropolis Creepees game, uh, row double-A, seats one through three, free food? Was that possibly yours, by any chance?
Sulley
Are those my tickets?
Your office, if you please.
Sulley
Right this way, sir.
Welcome, sir. Mr. Wazowski wants us to bribe you with a brand-new...
Not now, boys. Not now. Excuse the car, sir. It's "Park Anywhere You Want" Day today. [as Argus leaves] Here's a 50. Get rid of the car. Wait, a 20. Here's a 20, get rid of the car. You know what? Forget it. Just get rid of the car.
NSNeedleman and Smitty
Aww...
[two weeks later, Cutter activates the vacation door; Argus comes out with a tan line wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
That was, without a doubt... [happily] the best vacation of my life! Wow!
[comes out the door] I believe it, Argus. 'Cause you really needed to unwind. You're very wound.
So, uh, you're doing okay?
I'm more than okay. Sipping creepy coladas, napping beneath the palms, cha-chaing the night away.
Sulley
Argus? You're still here?
Yeah, I thought you left two weeks ago.
Oh, no, no, no. I took a little time off. I have your MIFT crew to thank.
You are welcome. And that is the last we will speak of it.
Well, of course, I will be writing all of you up, but just a warning this time. Goodbye, Mr. Laugh Energy. [leaves]
Sulley
[sighs] That was too close. We were nearly shut down.
You caused a major power outage, conspired to cover it up, and if that weren't enough, attempted to bribe a M.E.R.C. official.
Sulley
Mike, that was you.
Stay on point, Sulley, stay on point.
Is all this true? Duncan?
[sighs in defeat] Yes, sir.
Oh, this is all my fault. I tipped the wheel so that Duncan could be temporary supervisor.
Well, regardless of how he became temporary supervisor, it all happened on your watch, Duncan.
Sulley
And any of these accusations is grounds for dismissal.
Dismissal? Um... Temporary supervisor's, uh... [sniffles] Well, he's gotta go down with his temporary ship... I guess. So, uh, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Wazowski...
I'm sorry, I... I'm the one that caused the outage, okay? Duncan, he was just trying to be a good supervisor. So if anyone deserves to be dismissed, it's me.
No, no, no. The power outage and, you know, all the other stuff, that was my fault, too. Though I am significantly less at fault than him.
Hmm. I am so proud of you two. Not only have you displayed that get-along MIFTer spirit, you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice one another.
TDTylor and Duncan
"Sacrifice for one another"?
That, too. So, Mr. W, Mr. S, what do you way we forget all the dismissal jumbo-mumbo-bumbo-bimble?
Sulley
Speaking of dismissal mumbo jumbo, what about that "against company policy" vacation door?
Taken care of, Sulley. I'm having it shredded.
Mr. Wazowski, we're here to take the vacation door to your office.
Sulley
Our office?
[Mike chuckles nervously]
Look at that, would ya, Sulley? With your excellent management skills and my comedic prowess, our profits are up, up, up.
BBean
Actually, profits are down, down, down. [flips the profit chart to the correct side]
Mike, the Jokesters are doing their best, but laugh canister output has been decreasing for weeks.
Right, but at least with me and Sulley in charge, morale has never been higher.
Morale has never been lower! [shows his moral chart]
Maybe your graph-thingie's upside down.
No, my graph-thingie is correct.
I'll tell you why morale's down, it's all of these depressing charts.
Sulley
Mike, we're not generating enough laugh power.
Sulley
Until we do, we gotta figure out a way to cheer folks up and trim our budget.
Right, right. I'll tell you what. At lunch, I will play 17 holes, instead of all 18. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
BBean
Mr. Wazowski, we're gonna have to make deeper cuts than that.
[Some employees are enjoying a new Oozeball machine]
Sulley
Oozeball? I thought we were supposed to not spend money.
Sulley, you're not thinking like an out-of-touch overpaid CEO. To make money, you gotta spend money.
[George's team just beat Needleman and Smitty]
See? Morale's already up.
Sulley
Okay, we'll keep this one.
Too late, buddy. I already ordered 96 of'em.
[Mike and Sulley are looking at paintings that Mike had recently purchased]
[viewing a painting of a large green dot] Oh, it's like... It's like everything and nothing at the same time. It just speaks to me. What's it say to you, Sulley?
Sulley
That we're broke?
Look what else I got. I bought a Vincent Van Gross and a Claw Monet.
Sulley
Is that a Michelfangelo?
Yes! It's culture. Culture boosts morale, and morale boosts profits.
GGeorge
Ooh, an Andy Gorhal. One of his Goop Cans. Very inspiring!
See? Okay. Now this one... [looks at a painting that looks like Sulley] ...stinks. I just don't get this one. I don't get it.
Monsters at Work · 69 quotes
