[Tylor Tuskmon has succeeded in the scare simulator]
[first lines] Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do?
PKProf. Knight
[chuckles] How'd you do?! Not even James P. Sullivan himself ever scored this high!
PKProf. Knight
You're quite the Scarer, Mr. Tuskmon.
PKProf. Knight
And when you get to Monsters, Incorporated... Oh, the screams you generate alone will power half of Monstropolis.
[chuckles nervously] You mean if I go to Monsters, Incorporated.
PKProf. Knight
No. [pulls out an envelope] When. [hands Tylor the envelope]
PKProf. Knight
Go on. Open it.
[Tylor opens the envelope and pulls out a letter]
"Dear Mr. Tuskmon. Monsters, Incorporated is pleased to offer you the position of Scarer!"
PKProf. Knight
[laughs] Straight to the top!
"Please arrive Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. to receive your scare assignment. Sincerely, Henry J. Waternoose III, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated." I did it.
PKProf. Knight
You're gonna be a Scarer!
[excited] I'm gonna be a Scarer.
[Monsters, Inc. has now converted to laugh power; James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski are sent to Mr. Waternoose's old office]
RRoz
Boys, we need to talk.
[Sulley nudges Mike towards Roz]
Oh, Roz, what an unpleasant surprise. [tries to walk out but Sulley stops him]
RRoz
I had a little debrief with the Board of Directors, and they wanted me to relay the news: They're putting you two in charge.
[Sully is gives a shocked look while Mike is ecstatic]
RRoz
That's what I said. But, Sullivan, you're officially the new Monsters, Inc. CEO. And, Wazowski, you're the...
Wait. I got this. Senior Co-President of Monsters, Incorporated, and Chief Executive Vice-Deputy Administrative Director of Comedy Resources Management, or SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM for short.
RRoz
Eh... My work here is done.
Well, adieu, Roz. True friends never say goodbye, so... goodbye! Can you believe it, Sulley?! We're in charge! You and me!
RRoz
One last thing: The Board promised to give my sister my old job. She'll be in later. Good luck. She's not bubbly like me. Ha, ha, ha!
[on the phone] Yeah, you heard right, we're in charge, Floor Supervisor Celia.
[excited] What?! Really?!
I thought the first order of business should be for you to get your long overdue promotion.
Everybody, get back to work! I'm practicing my Floor Supervisor voice. Oh, my gosh. I'm...
[pushes a picture of Waternoose off the desk] Goodbye! [kisses the phone and hangs up] I could really get into this being-in-charge thing. Not that I'd use it for personal gain. How much do you think my raise should be? What about a company car? You know, nothing...
[the power flickers all over the factory]
There won't be any raise or car if we don't keep the power on. Come on, we need to get you to the Scare Floor.
Laugh Floor. Right, right. And we're gonna need to find a couple hundred more funny monsters.
Plus, we're gonna need a new slogan. Let's see. "We clown around to power the town."
"We are funny to keep the lights runny."
[Tylor, learning that Monsters, Inc. no longer needs Scarers, has to go through new employee orientation; a training video is played as Mr. Crummyham pauses it, then resumes it each time]
FNFemale Narrator
This is Monsters, Incorporated, where we scare because we care.
[pauses the video] Actually, we don't scare anymore. Now we're laugh power. Sorry about that. [resumes the video]
FNFemale Narrator
Every day on each of our state-of-the-art Scare Floors...
[pauses the video] Laugh Floors. [resumes the video]
FNFemale Narrator
..our elite team of Scarers...
[pauses the video] Jokesters. [resumes the video]
FNFemale Narrator
...help support the mission of our esteemed CEO's... [video shows an image of Waternoose]
[pauses the video] No longer esteemed! [pretending to throat-slash Waternoose] Headed off to the big house! [resumes the video]
FNFemale Narrator
...mission, to create scare energy...
FNFemale Narrator
...and scare power...
FNFemale Narrator
...by scaring...
Laughing! [stops the video] You know what? Forget it. Let's just move on.
Wait a minute. You're saying you're no longer hiring Scarers?
[Tylor is on his way to MIFT; Val passes by him but then backs to get a closer look at him]
Tylor Tuskmon, right? Am I right? Those horns, dead giveaway, 'cause they're so...
Val Little. Monsters University. Freshman Year. We had that Origins of Fear class together. Yawn.
Yeah, I guess, it was just such a large class. You work here? When did you graduate?
College, eh... it was an interesting detour. Too much of a commitment. Not really the whole regimented, stuffed shirt, college-scene type of gal. Blech! Well, what've you been up to?
Except for the loan debt, right? Ka-ching! For you it'd probably be like ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching! 'Cause you graduated. For me it was like... ka-ching.
Yeah, and the fact that this place is no longer hiring Scarers. I mean, I got this letter saying that I was gonna be a Scarer, but now they've assigned me to, what... MIFT?
MIFT?! [gasps excitedly] That's where I work! Hop in, I'll take you!
[Tylor arrives at MIFT Headquarters]
Hey, everybody, meet the new guy! Tylor Tuskmon.
We were best buds in college.
We just had that one class together.
Yeah, but it was special.
We didn't actually speak. Hi, everyone, just to be clear, I was told this was a temporary assignment.
Well, we'll see about that, won't we? I'm Fritz. OH, they said they were sending over a new MIFTer.
Sorry, what exactly is "MIFT"?
Oh, now you done it. [brings over a chair for Fritz to stand on; Duncan plays dramatic music on his stereo]
Since the day Monsters, Inc. was founded, there has been a need. A need for a dedicated team of mechanics to nurture the intricate machinery that is the foundation of this factory. No matter how arduous or difficult the repair might be, MIFT is there to tighten the bolts, unclog the pipes, wrench the nut! We embrace it with, uh... We embrace it with...
With unbridled anticipation.
There you go! Unbridled participation of what challenge lies ahead. And at the end of the day, we each say, "I'm proud!" [Banana Bread sputters] "I am proud to be a member of the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team!"
[Duncan stops the music while Cutter throws confetti]
For the record, I've never actually said that.
[Tylor has a private conversation with Duncan]
Look, I get it. First impressions, everybody seems a little bit crazy, right? Y'know, down here where there's no daylight and the reptitive din of machinery is forever hammering into your brain. But look, the MIFT team, they mean well, alright? You're gonna warm up to'em, I promise.
TDTylor and Duncan
...belong here.
You and me, we see eye to eyes.
It's nice to finally meet somebody who gets it. I'm sorry. I didn't get your name.
Oh! Hey, sorry. The name's Duncan.
But people around here refer to me as [seriously] "Deputy Supervisor." [closes the door] You know why? Because when Fritz retires or dies, I'm takin' his job. So you can forget about your little College Boy plan...
...of waltzing in here and taking what's rightfully mine, you understand?
I have no interest at all in Fritz's job.
Oh, so that's how you wanna play the game, is it?
No, no, honestly, no games. I'm not playing a game.
I'm just a pawn in the way of you becoming king. A little itty-bitty pawn that's gonna get knocked off the board. Ping!
There's no ping! Nothing's pinging!
I'm onto you. [flies towards a dark corner of the room] I'm onto you.
Okay. So if there's nothing else, I'm gonna...
[whispers scarily] Onto you. [Tylor backs up into the door] Yooooooouuuuuu.... [Tylor exits the room]
[Tylor is sitting alone at the entrance of Monsters, Inc. where he crumples up the letter he received and throws it aside where it lands in the trash can Needleman and Smitty are rolling]
Shut up, Smitty. Can't you see he wants to be alone? He's depressed.
If you're a scary monster like him, now what do you do? Unless you can make a kid laugh, you got no future.
Shut up! He can still hear you.
[when trying to make a kid laugh, Tylor accidentally wreaked havoc that wrecked a Laugh Floor]
I am so sorry, Mr. Sullivan. Mr. Wazowski. I, uh, appreciate the opportunity that I have completely blown. You'll never see me again.
Hold it! You're Tylor Tuskmon, aren't you?
Uh, yes. Yes, I am. How did you know?
Who do you think recommended you for the job? You graduated top of you class, even broke my record in the simulation room.
Ah, yeah. Well... What can I say? I seem to be pretty good at breaking things lately.
It's been a rough day for all of us.
Yep. Everything's changing.
Laugh power instead of scare power. Me and Mike in charge. And I guess they're gonna have to change the old MU School of Scaring to the College of Comedy.
Comedy college... Right! Sulley, you're a genius! And seeing that I am the official SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM, I'm making an executive decision to begin Monster, Inc. Comedy Classes, featuring Professor Me! I'll each all you scary monsters how to be funny.
'Cause I know what it's like once you've stepped across that line. You'd do anything to be on this floor.
So I actually have a chance of becoming a Jokester?
Mike and I, we worked our way up from the mailroom. So anything's possible.
No more scaring. Now it's, uh, laughter you're after.
Bingo! Our new slogan! "It's Laughter We're After."
FVFamiliar voice
Wazowski!
[looks over at Roz's old counter to a monster, similar to Roz, but with red hair] Roz?
Wake me up, Sulley. I've having a horrible nightmare. One where you actually smell things.
They just delivered the new kid's hat and ID.
[Tylor puts on his new hat and ID tag]
And from now on, call me Sulley.
[The MIFT crew arrives]
Whoa, what happened here? Sure know how to make an impression.
Where'd you go? I thought you were getting us appreciation donuts.
[whispers] Remember, I'm onto you.
Tylor, welcome to Monsters, Incorporated.
[MIFT is putting up the new slogan for Monsters, Inc.]
"It's laughter we're after?" That's the best College Boy could come up with? No, no, no. I can do better. Okay, okay. How about, "Making kids laugh is the contractual responsibility of our staff"? Ah? [chuckles]
I got a better one for ya, four eyes. How about this? "Laughter lights up your life like an oxyacetylene blowtorch with a multi-flame tip." Ow! Thank you. You're welcome.
[Mike has just finished filling a laugh cannister and is really tired]
You've been at this for 18 hours straight. You need a break.
Ah! A break? Sulley, I am personally powering Monstropolis. [points to the Laugh Record board] Look! First place, second place... fourth place? Uh, that Lanky and his spinning bowtie. We'll see who gets the last laugh, Lanky!
[Lanky twirls his bowtie]
Mike, you need to relax. Let the others handle it for a while.
I'm fine. I gotta keep the kids laughing. I got a gift, Sulley. You do not hide a gift like mine from my tiny, adoring friends... [falls asleep]
Well, if you're gonna keep the kids laughing, we'd better get you some coffee.
[Sulley carries Mike to the break room and pours him a cup of coffee]
Okay. Creamer, sugar. [pours the creamer and sugar into Mike's cup] Sugars, creamers, stir sticks. No stir sticks. Where is it? [looks around to see if anyone's looking and then takes Mikey's hand and uses his finger to stir his coffee; Mike wakes up as soon as Sulley gives him his coffee] There you go. That'll help.
Bleh, that's horrible. Tastes like someone's finger.
Wazowski! Better not fall asleep in your comedy class.
Oh, that's right. I'm teaching comedy class at lunch.
Mike, you can't keep going like this.
Actually, he can, Mr. Sullivan, with a little something called... [throws Mike an energy drink bottle] 36 1/2 Hour Energy drink.
Yeah, me and Needleman drink two of those when we run out of 73 Hour Energy drink.
It's twice as good as the 18 1/4 Hour Energy drink.
[Mike drinks the energy drink]
Yeah? I don't know. 36 1/2 hours sounds a lot of energy for such a little...
[Mike finishes off the energy drink and his pupil grows with energy]
[Tylor storms to comedy class after Duncan tries to harm him with a faulty scream canister just as Fritz and Val bring out a piñata in Tylor's likeness]
FVFritz and Val
[singing] Piñata time, piñata time, olé!
[they both realize Tylor's gone]
[Banana Bread starts blowing raspberries and points at Duncan accusingly]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't listen to him, okay? He's exaggerating. I didn't try to kill him. The rookie couldn't change a simple valve.
I dunno. He said something about a comedy class. I don't keep the schedule.
Comedy class? He didn't say anything about a comedy class.
I don't understand. I tried so hard to make him feel welcome here. I gave him a desk, a nameplate, and look, he never even drank his Drooler Cooler. Sad sigh.
[Tylor has just helped MIFT fix a door station and save Mike]
Another laugh canister... filled. [falls asleep]
Only took him two hours to burn through all 36 1/2 hours of energy.
[puts a blanket over Mike] Aww, let's just let him sleep. Great job, MIFT. And thank you, Tylor.
No, no, no. It was a team effort, really. Really.
Well, they couldn't have done it without you.
You did it! You wrenched the heck out of that nut.
You finished your first job as a MIFTer.
This calls for a celebration!
[Phlegm accidentally damaged a human baby's room with his acid snot]
PPhlegm
Oh, I have a cold. And when I was in the room, I sn... I sne... AHCHOO!!! [sneezes, shooting snot into Maria's clipboard, dissolving it]
MMaria
He damaged the room of our best giggler.
We gotta get this room back online stat. I'll get this work order over to MIFT.
[Fritz is playing desktop football]
The crowd is breathless as he's going for the longest kick in the season. And here's the field goal to win... There goes footsie ball!
[as soon as Fritz flicks the paper football, the work order flings it away from the goal]
Oh. You win again, empty chair.
Y'know, us hanging out here, all hangin' out and stuff, reminds me of all those times we hung out at MU.
I'm pretty sure we had that, just one class together.
