Trapper (at show end as ribs are being served): Should we say grace?
Praise the Lord, and pass the sauce.
S3Adam's Ribs
Trapper (on the phone with old girlfriend): What're the ribs for?
Hawkeye (whispers): Anatomy Practice!
Anatomy Practice. Yeah, they don't let us use real people. The sauce? Well, uh.. they don't let us use fake blood either. ...You understand!?
Due to conditions beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served.
(On guard duty at night.) Halt! What's the password.
(in a threatening tone) Outta my way, or i'll split your head open.
...Close enough!
(After Klinger says "liver.") Don't say Liver! You say that word again, I'll set your teeth on fire!
(After hearing the main dish is liver and/or fish again) ...I didn't hear you say that. Because it isn't possible. It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day. The Geneva convention prohibits the killing of our tastebuds! I simply can not eat the same food day after day. Fish! Liver! Day after day! I've eaten a river of liver, and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions! (to the rest of the mess tent) Are we going to stand for this?! Are we going to let them do this to us?! NO, I say NO! We're not going to eat this dreck anymore! (starts a riot) We want something else! We want something else! (While chanting continues) Draftees of the world, arise! You have nothing to lose but your cookies! We want something else! (protesting continues, then scene cuts to Hawkeye sitting in Henry's office).
Just who do you think you are, Pierce?!
(looking up at Henry with guilt)...I broke under the pressure, warden.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
What's in the package?
Ribs and sauce from Chicago.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
Adam's Ribs?
You know it?
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
Are you kidding? I'm from Joliet. I'd walk to Chicago on my knees in the snow for a takeout order.
He's one of you.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
How many you got?
40 pounds.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
I'll take twenty, and a quart of sauce.
Ten, and a pint of sauce.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
Twelve, and a pint and a half. And coleslaw.
We didn't order any cole slaw.
MSMaster Sgt. Tarola
You sent all the way to Chicago, and no cole slaw?
Forgive us, we're draftees.
S3A Full Rich Day
Klinger, I want to see you out of that dress...tonight!
Never on a first date, sir!
I don't care what Captain McIntyre said, I have never cared, and at this point I don't care twice as much as I never cared before!
Say "hello," Trapper.
Hello, Trapper.
Isn't he clever? We had the bolts in his neck tightened yesterday.
S3Mad Dogs and Servicemen
Radar (about the dog): Just a mutt. I give it stuff from the kitchen...although I don't like being cruel to animals.
Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head.
S3Private Charles Lamb
Henry (talking to Hawkeye and Trapper about a missing lamb): Do I know, Do I know anything? Everything in this country disappears but me. Boy, I'd like to wake up one morning, look down, and find myself gone.
Henry's not here.
Are you sure? Sometimes when he's here I get that feeling.
S3Bombed
Colonel, if you can hear me, knock three times. If you can't, knock twice.
(Henry knocks twice)
Good lord, he's dead.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.