Now you gentlemens are new to the Army, or in other words, dumb. When you leave here, you will know this jeep like it was a kissin' cousin, and you will know the rules of the road so good that when you're dead, you will still qualify for a license.
S10Wheelers and Dealers
S10Communication Breakdown
Charles (over the PA): Attention all vermin - that's giving you the benefit of the doubt - I have just discovered the untimely disappearance of my May 5 issue of The Boston Globe which has obviously been pilfered by some member of the pernicious race of lowlife which infests this pigmire. Furthermore, I consider no one in this camp above suspicion with the possible exception of that 80% of you who are incapable of reading the English language. Thus, I retract my previous magnanimous offer and none of you cretins will lay one slimy paw on any of my papers until the missing issue is returned! Thank you.
(to Charles as everyone leaves the mess tent after Charles enters)
Help yourself to some breakfast before us lowlifes steal it all.
Hell hath no fury like pernicious vermin scorned.
BBJ
Charles, you just put a whole shoe store in your mouth.
Winchester, just a hunch: Will Rogers never met you, did he?
S10Snap Judgment (Part 1)
Rosie, I need a favor.
RRosie
Five dollars.
I just wanna talk.
RRosie
OK, three dollars.
In order to have a criminal mentality, one must first have a mentality.
S10Snappier Judgment (Part 2)
Charles Emerson Winchester, defender of the downtrodden.
You do all the trodding, that's how they got down.
Hawkeye (about Charles): He's the only American who landed in Inchon with traveler's checks.
S10'Twas the Day After Christmas
SPSergeant Pernelli
Last call for my mouthwatering turkey.
The bird that gave its life so that others might be ill.
A Winchester only recognizes one 5:30 per day. This is not it.
S10Follies of the Living - Concerns of the Dead
Klinger (talking to a post): Colonel Potter, I'd like to help in triage, sir. I'm a little shaky, but while I have any strength at all, I'd like to pitch in. (referring to a dog) OK! let's get this patient into pre-op! Hubba-hubba! Orderly!
(BJ, Charles, and Hawkeye drinking in the Swamp)
All right, what else do we love?
BBJ
You love dirt?
Dirt is my life.
BBJ
All right. To dirt.
And to the Army that lets us eat it, drink it, breathe it, and salute it.
S10The Birthday Girls
BBJ
Do you know how to make a cow say "ah"?
Not without getting emotionally involved.
Sorry to break up this pow-wow, boys, but Bossie says it's time to call the cab.
You get her up on the table and I'll hold her hand.
BBJ
Does anyone know where I can find a cigar that says, "It's a heifer"?
You coming, Winchester? I bet a city fella like you hasn't had a chance to see this before.
I've also never had the opportunity to swim in a barrel of live squid.
S10Blood and Guts
Yes, I know I didn't sign the morning reports.
Sir, it would be easier to remember to sign the reports instead of remembering you didn't sign them.
I'll remember that.
I'll bet you'd love a good breakfast.
CKClayton Kibbee
I sure would, but I'll settle for what you folks eat.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.