Radar (over the PA): Attention! By command of the new Commanding Officer, all officers report to the Commanding Officer's office, sirs!
Potter: Father Mulcahy. (Sees the cross Mulcahy has around his neck). Yes, of course. You're clean.
Mulcahy: Thank God, sir.
Potter: Catholic?
Mulcahy: Yes, sir.
Potter: Can you do a Methodist thing for me on Sunday?
Mulcahy: I handle all denominations. Colonel.
Potter: Any other Methodists in the outfit?
Mulcahy: Two or three.
Potter: Good. I hate to sing alone. Major Houlihan.
Houlihan: Sir!
Potter: Chief nurse.
Houlihan: Yes, sir.
Potter: Ten years, spotless record.
Houlihan: Thank you sir.
Potter: Major Frank Burns.
Houlihan: Just friends, sir. I mean, he's not here, sir. He's indisposed.
Potter: Captain Pierce.
Hawkeye: Yo!
Potter: Keep your yo's to yourself. Captain Hunnicutt.
BJ: Yes sir.
Potter: You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine.
Hawkeye: That was an accident.
BJ: We were having a weenie roast.
Potter: In the latrine?
BJ: We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.
Potter: Also Pierce, it says here you had a live chicken flown here by helicopter, claiming it was a patient.
Hawkeye: That was a rare bird, Colonel. It could tap-dance.
Potter: And a year ago the Tokyo Provost Marshal claims you stole a steam shovel.
Hawkeye: I couldn't get a cab.
Potter: I gather you drink.
Hawkeye: Only to excess.

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