Radar (over the PA): Attention! By command of the new Commanding Officer, all officers report to the Commanding Officer's office, sirs!
Father Mulcahy. (Sees the cross Mulcahy has around his neck). Yes, of course. You're clean.
Thank God, sir.
Catholic?
Yes, sir.
Can you do a Methodist thing for me on Sunday?
I handle all denominations. Colonel.
Any other Methodists in the outfit?
Two or three.
Good. I hate to sing alone. Major Houlihan.
Sir!
Chief nurse.
Yes, sir.
Ten years, spotless record.
Thank you sir.
Major Frank Burns.
Just friends, sir. I mean, he's not here, sir. He's indisposed.
Captain Pierce.
Yo!
Keep your yo's to yourself. Captain Hunnicutt.
Yes sir.
You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine.
That was an accident.
We were having a weenie roast.
In the latrine?
We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.
Also Pierce, it says here you had a live chicken flown here by helicopter, claiming it was a patient.
That was a rare bird, Colonel. It could tap-dance.
And a year ago the Tokyo Provost Marshal claims you stole a steam shovel.
I couldn't get a cab.
I gather you drink.
Only to excess.
